Archive for January, 2011

Crime Re­al­ly Does­n’t Pay

Black guy on side of street to car pass­ing slow­ly in traf­fic: Yo, I see you, don’ need to roll ya win­dow up, it’s just a Hon­da, on­ly get three stacks for it at the chop shop. (to friends) Shit, I get in the car and have you dri­ve to the ATM ma­chine, pop ya in the face, get ya pin num­ber, with­draw $500. Re­ceipt comes out ‘in­suf­fi­cient funds’. Now I got to kill you.

Mi­a­mi, Flori­da

…And She Won’t Even Go Out with Me!

Suit #1: So, you heard who the new VP in my di­vi­sion is?
Suit #2: Yeah. She’s… a char­ac­ter, I’ll say that.
Suit #1: The Brits came to meet with her, and they left look­ing like… to­tal­ly stunned.
Suit #2: Yep, she’s a force of na­ture, all right.
Suit #1: I just can’t be­lieve they’d give her that job… That they want her deal­ing with all that po­lit­i­cal sen­si­tiv­i­ty when…
Suit #2, in­ter­rupt­ing: When she’s a ma­ni­a­cal fer­al wild woman?
Suit #1: And she open­ly ad­mits that she does­n’t think men should be in this di­vi­sion! She keeps mak­ing jokes about how we have no idea what the ladies want, and I’m like, how would she know ei­ther? She’s not a la­dy, she’s a mon­ster!
Suit #2: She’s like a Hin­du god­dess of fire and de­struc­tion!

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Fe­lic­i­ty This­tle

Save That for Ther­a­py.

Five-year-old girl to hair brush: Mom­my does­n’t want me to buy you or to talk to you… That makes me sad.
Em­bar­rassed mom: Come on sweet­ie, let’s go home.
(kid keeps talk­ing to hair brush, mom yanks it away)
Mom, leav­ing store: Now is not the time to talk to hair brush­es!

North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Won­der­ing why mom was em­bar­rassed