Archive for September, 2011

Pol­ish Girls Have High Stan­dards for Sausage

Hot Pol­ish girl: So what are you?
Fat Eng­lish girl: You’re half In­di­an and half…?
British In­di­an guy: Half In­di­an.
Fat Eng­lish girl: So half In­di­an and half…?
British In­di­an guy: Half In­di­an.
Hot pol­ish girl: He means he’s to­tal­ly In­di­an.
Fat Eng­lish girl: No no no… Half In­di­an and some­thing else.
British In­di­an guy, ex­as­per­at­ed: To­tal­ly In­di­an… But I was born here.
Hot pol­ish girl to British In­di­an guy’s white friend: I’ve got a boyfriend, I’m not fuck­ing you tonight. Prob­a­bly.

Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep


We Knew “Tits,” but “Pag­ga” Was New to Us

Coked up psy­chopath to group of peo­ple at pub ta­ble: Yeah! I’m the cunt of the group! Mind if I join you?
Guy at ta­ble: Erm…
Coked up psy­chopath, sit­ting down: Are you fuck­ing stu­dents? I fuck­ing hate fuck­ing stu­dents. Are you from the Mid­lands? Are you from K‑town? I just got out of prison. Two years for deal­ing coke. Wan­na buy any coke? I sell to all the guys around here. You know short Irish Pe­te? I did two years in­side with that cunt. (to one of the girls at the ta­ble) You’ve got mas­sive tits. Are those fake eye­lash­es? You’re not a fuck­ing stu­dent, are you?
Guy at ta­ble: Mate… we’re just try­ing have a qui­et drink.
Coked up psy­chopath: You lookin’ for a fuck­ing pag­ga, you cunt? I’ve got a fuck­ing knife. (turns to girl with large breasts) I like your fuck­ing tits.

Pub
Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep


Your Stu­pid­i­ty Is Be­yond the Pale.

Fe­male stu­dent: That pic­ture was aw­ful. I looked so pale. I mean, I looked Ethiopi­an. It was bad.
Male stu­dent: Huh? You looked… what?
Fe­male stu­dent: Pale! Like Ethiopi­an.
Male stu­dent: Are you try­ing to say “al­bi­no”?
Fe­male stu­dent: Oh.

Mis­sis­sip­pi Col­lege School of Law


Pitts­burgh De­fines “Healthy” in Its Own Way, Dear Read­er

EMT #1, buy­ing snuff: At least I quit smok­ing.
EMT #2: What are you talk­ing about? I saw you have a cig­a­rette a few days ago.
EMT #1: I was drink­ing.
EMT #2: We were at work, if you were drink­ing and did­n’t share… we have a prob­lem.

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: that girl from Suno­co


With Your Anor­gas­mia, for Ex­am­ple

Ridicu­lous­ly at­trac­tive busty blonde girl, in very short skirt and tiny top, to two po­lice­men hunt­ing in the rain for lost mo­bile phone: Aw! Thank you guys so much! I don’t know how I lost it. You’re so kind to help me!
Po­lice­man, try­ing hard not to stare at her now rather wet top: Any­thing we can do to help, miss.

Leam­ing­ton Spa
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep


Can’t You Just Let It Drop?

La­dy in next bath­room stall: And that Febreeze with gain smells like poop.

Tar­get
Con­cord, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: Thanks for the in­fo


Some Folks Have More Bag­gage Than Oth­ers

Ghet­to fe­male sta­tion at­ten­dant: Let me see your tick­et.
Scared-look­ing guy: I don’t have one, I gave it to the driv…
Ghet­to fe­male sta­tion at­ten­dant: You rode fo’ free?
Scared-look­ing guy: No, I gave my tick­et to the…
Ghet­to fe­male sta­tion at­ten­dant: He ain’t got no tick­et! Get the sta­tion po­lice over here, this guy rode for free!
Scared-look­ing guy: But I gave my tick­et to the dri­ver. There’s my re­ceipt.
Ghet­to fe­male sta­tion at­ten­dant, af­ter pause: Can I get your bag out for you, sir?

Grey­hound Sta­tion
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia


But Is the Short An­swer “Yes”?

Stu­dent: Do you want to know the ones I picked?
Prof: Well, if you want to share them… No.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia


Not the Grand Open­ing We’d Been Ex­pect­ing

Woman, scream­ing in­to cell: She has a cyst… A cyst!… It’s in­fect­ed… In­fect­ed!… And it keeps open­ing up!

Long Is­land Jew­ish Hos­pi­tal
New York

Over­heard by: La­dle