Archive for October, 2011

That’s a Gap Cat­a­log, Hon­ey.

Stu­dent: Now, why are we look­ing at pic­tures of skin­ny peo­ple in this sci­ence book? Oh, wait, they have Aids!

Wal­la Wal­la, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: It could be worse, they could have SARS…

If Michelle Bach­man Was Pres­i­dent

Moth­er, when cross­walk starts mak­ing sounds: Do you hear that sound, kids? It’s to let deaf peo­ple know it is safe to cross the street.

San­ta Mon­i­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Cameron

The Re­sult Of an Eng­lish Spe­cial Ed­u­ca­tion

Hip­ster #1: It did­n’t work out, which was such a shame. She was re­al­ly spe­cial– smart, so­phis­ti­cat­ed, sen­si­tive…
Hip­ster #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hip­ster #1: Huge cans…


Tonight, on Army Wives

Loud 30-some­thing man on cell, while wait­ing in line for piz­za: I can’t wait till I’m on my way home so that I can give you a de­fin­i­tive get naked!

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Kate R.

Why IUDs Ex­ist: A Short Sto­ry

Soror­i­ty girl #1: I haven’t tak­en my birth con­trol in, like, five days, and I’ve had sex every sin­gle night. Do you think that’s okay?
Soror­i­ty girl #2: Just take them all now, you should be fine.
Soror­i­ty girl #3: Let’s just take shots. That should kill any­thing liv­ing in­side of you. (to wait­ress) Three Jäger­bombs, please.

Fayet­teville, Arkansas

Over­heard by: their wait­ress

I’m Pret­ty Sure That’s the Gold­en Rule.

Girl­friend, tak­ing shirt off rack and hand­ing it to boyfriend: But you’d have to pee all over it so they’d take it back.
Boyfriend: True.

Over­heard by: I thought the gold sale was last week