Archive for October, 2011

Nothing Can Save Most Eligible Dallas, Dear Lady.

Loud woman on cell: Ah! That’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a quick prayer, a splash of holy water, and a really massive gun…

Greyhound Bus
The Middle Of Nowhere

Overheard by: Krystyn

That’s a Gap Catalog, Honey.

Student: Now, why are we looking at pictures of skinny people in this science book? Oh, wait, they have Aids!

Walla Walla, Washington

Overheard by: It could be worse, they could have SARS…

If Michelle Bachman Was President

Mother, when crosswalk starts making sounds: Do you hear that sound, kids? It’s to let deaf people know it is safe to cross the street.

Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Cameron

The Result Of an English Special Education

Hipster #1: It didn’t work out, which was such a shame. She was really special– smart, sophisticated, sensitive…
Hipster #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hipster #1: Huge cans…


I’m Pretty Sure That’s the Golden Rule.

Girlfriend, taking shirt off rack and handing it to boyfriend: But you’d have to pee all over it so they’d take it back.
Boyfriend: True.

Overheard by: I thought the gold sale was last week

Ten Bucks Says They’re Both Virgins.

Girl #1: So, if all else fails, I’ll just prostitute myself to the admissions staff.
Girl #2: (laughs)
Girl #1: It could not possibly fail.
Girl #2: Sounds like a great plan. You should write an admissions book about it.
Girl #1: I totally should. It would make shitloads of money. “How to fuck your way into an ivy league or the equivalent.“
Girl #2: (laughs) That’s a great title.
Girl #1: If only I could write my application essays about it.
Girl #2: “if I could have things my way, this is how I would get into your school…“
Girl #1: “Via my vagina.”

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Come Again?

20-something girl on phone: Seriously, I came so hard I shat myself…

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Worst. Job Interview. Ever.

Woman on phone, angrily: When I said I wanted to know more about you, I didn’t mean all your previous sexual experiences!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania