Archive for December, 2011

Pretty Much How St. Peter Acts at the Pearly Gates

Orange line subway driver: I’m closing the doors to this train, and don’t you be thinkin’ god’s gonna open a window and let your ass on.

I’d Also Blame the Genes You Got from Mom.

Teen girl #1: I’m freezing! I texted my mom and asked her to bring me a sweatshirt and she said no! I mean, I brought one with me but it makes me look too puffy.
Teen girl #2: I know, right?

Newington, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Heather

Professor Occam Gives Another Student a Razor

Professor: And then of course you’re gonna get the morons who say that aliens created the pyramids.
Student: You mean they didn’t? You can’t explain that!

Rider University
Lawrenceville, New Jersey

Worst. Date Movie. Ever.

Female college student during lecture: I didn’t eat for two days after watching Human Centipede because I was afraid to poop.

Chicago, Illinois