Girl to an­oth­er: Wait, so you want cook­ies and you don’t want chlamy­dia?

Van­cou­ver
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: would­n’t you?

Hus­band: Is­n’t Kelsey Gram­mer dead?
Wife: No. (pause) He’s a Re­pub­li­can…

Ger­man­town, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Nic

Very buff man: She was so ex­cit­ed she ate my daugh­ter’s shit!

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Alex

Moth­er to fussy in­fant: We are not friends. Do you hear me? What is it about me that makes you want to throw up?

Chesa­peake, Vir­ginia

Or­ange line sub­way dri­ver: I’m clos­ing the doors to this train, and don’t you be thinkin’ god’s gonna open a win­dow and let your ass on.

http://www.universalhub.com/2011/lets-play-guess-subway-line

Teen girl #1: I’m freez­ing! I texted my mom and asked her to bring me a sweat­shirt and she said no! I mean, I brought one with me but it makes me look too puffy.
Teen girl #2: I know, right?

New­ing­ton, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: Heather

Pro­fes­sor: And then of course you’re gonna get the mo­rons who say that aliens cre­at­ed the pyra­mids.
Stu­dent: You mean they did­n’t? You can’t ex­plain that!

Rid­er Uni­ver­si­ty
Lawrenceville, New Jer­sey

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent dur­ing lec­ture: I did­n’t eat for two days af­ter watch­ing Hu­man Cen­tipede be­cause I was afraid to poop.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

High school boy on bus: But I don’t want to shoot up hero­in in­to my balls!

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Guy: I may or may not have tak­en part in an or­gy. I don’t know yet.

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia