Archive for December, 2011

Pret­ty Much How St. Pe­ter Acts at the Pearly Gates

Or­ange line sub­way dri­ver: I’m clos­ing the doors to this train, and don’t you be thinkin’ god’s gonna open a win­dow and let your ass on.

I’d Al­so Blame the Genes You Got from Mom.

Teen girl #1: I’m freez­ing! I texted my mom and asked her to bring me a sweat­shirt and she said no! I mean, I brought one with me but it makes me look too puffy.
Teen girl #2: I know, right?

New­ing­ton, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: Heather

Pro­fes­sor Oc­cam Gives An­oth­er Stu­dent a Ra­zor

Pro­fes­sor: And then of course you’re gonna get the mo­rons who say that aliens cre­at­ed the pyra­mids.
Stu­dent: You mean they did­n’t? You can’t ex­plain that!

Rid­er Uni­ver­si­ty
Lawrenceville, New Jer­sey

Worst. Date Movie. Ever.

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent dur­ing lec­ture: I did­n’t eat for two days af­ter watch­ing Hu­man Cen­tipede be­cause I was afraid to poop.

Chica­go, Illi­nois