Girl to another: Wait, so you want cookies and you don’t want chlamydia?
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: wouldn’t you?
Archive for December, 2011
So I Suspect Only His Penis Is Dead.
Husband: Isn’t Kelsey Grammer dead?
Wife: No. (pause) He’s a Republican…
Germantown, Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
The Wendy’s Franchise Had Very Humble Beginnings.
Very buff man: She was so excited she ate my daughter’s shit!
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Alex
Didn’t You Used to Live in New York?
Mother to fussy infant: We are not friends. Do you hear me? What is it about me that makes you want to throw up?
Chesapeake, Virginia
Pretty Much How St. Peter Acts at the Pearly Gates
Orange line subway driver: I’m closing the doors to this train, and don’t you be thinkin’ god’s gonna open a window and let your ass on.
http://www.universalhub.com/2011/lets-play-guess-subway-line
I’d Also Blame the Genes You Got from Mom.
Teen girl #1: I’m freezing! I texted my mom and asked her to bring me a sweatshirt and she said no! I mean, I brought one with me but it makes me look too puffy.
Teen girl #2: I know, right?
Newington, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Heather
Professor Occam Gives Another Student a Razor
Professor: And then of course you’re gonna get the morons who say that aliens created the pyramids.
Student: You mean they didn’t? You can’t explain that!
Rider University
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Worst. Date Movie. Ever.
Female college student during lecture: I didn’t eat for two days after watching Human Centipede because I was afraid to poop.
Chicago, Illinois
Hey, Starving Kids in Africa Don’t Even Have Ball Heroin
High school boy on bus: But I don’t want to shoot up heroin into my balls!
San Francisco, California
But If I Did, I’m Pretty Sure It Was Fabulous.
Guy: I may or may not have taken part in an orgy. I don’t know yet.
Los Angeles, California
