Archive for February, 2012

That Was Always My Response to Sunday School

Mother: Oh shoot, we’d better be getting in, we’re already late.
Pretty good Brando for a six-year-old boy: The horror… the horror.

Outside St. Lawrence Catholic Church
Tampa, Florida

Which Was Why He Always Carried a Big Stick

Preppy homo: I think I’d totally let Abe Lincoln jizz on my face.
Fag hag #1: Why not Roosevelt?
Preppy homo: Umm, he didn’t have legs.
Fag hag #2: No, you’re thinking of Teddy.

Irving Park, Illinois

Translation: “I’m Straight”

Tall boy: Vaginas are beautiful. When god made the vagina he was making art. When he was making the penis he just took two lumps of clay and stuck them together.

Campbell High School
Smyrna, Georgia

The British Remake Of Fatal Attraction Lacks a Lot Of the Drama Of the Original.

20-something girl, in floods of tears at pub table: He’s a fucking bastard! I hate him!
Friend #1: What happened?
20-something girl: I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!
Friend #2: Babes, did he cheat on you?
20-something girl, crying: No! He made me dinner…
(friend #1 and friend #2 exchange puzzled look)
Friend #2: So?
20-something girl: He told me it was a beef stew but it wasn’t. It was a fucking bunny rabbit! How could he do that?! He knows how much I love bunnies!

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep