Archive for February, 2012

Just Like Je­sus Used to Do

Girl to moth­er: He’s Jew­ish, but he goes to Chris­t­ian church­es to look for women.

Austin, Texas


That Was Al­ways My Re­sponse to Sun­day School

Moth­er: Oh shoot, we’d bet­ter be get­ting in, we’re al­ready late.
Pret­ty good Bran­do for a six-year-old boy: The hor­ror… the hor­ror.

Out­side St. Lawrence Catholic Church
Tam­pa, Flori­da


Which Was Why He Al­ways Car­ried a Big Stick

Prep­py ho­mo: I think I’d to­tal­ly let Abe Lin­coln jizz on my face.
Fag hag #1: Why not Roo­sevelt?
Prep­py ho­mo: Umm, he did­n’t have legs.
Fag hag #2: No, you’re think­ing of Ted­dy.

Irv­ing Park, Illi­nois


Trans­la­tion: “I’m Straight”

Tall boy: Vagi­nas are beau­ti­ful. When god made the vagi­na he was mak­ing art. When he was mak­ing the pe­nis he just took two lumps of clay and stuck them to­geth­er.

Camp­bell High School
Smyr­na, Geor­gia


You’re So Avant-Garde, Kevin.

Male art stu­dent: I love it when peo­ple ask me how I am, es­pe­cial­ly cashiers. Then I get to say things like, “geeze, I think I’m preg­nant again!” (pause) They just don’t know how to re­spond to things like that.

Whit­ti­er Col­lege
Whit­ti­er, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Sam, the small bun­dle of joy