Archive for March, 2012

It’s For My Boyfriend.

Clerk, selling condoms: What size would you like?
Ghetto guy, looking at girl next in line: The biggest size you got!

Delaware


…Is the Moral Of the Bible.

Professor: There is one good thing about being a public enemy. People take you seriously.

Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia


This Will Be on the Exam.

Professor, on Stalin’s five year plan: Now as is often the case for something like this undertaking to be successful, he had to kill a few million motherfuckers to get shit done. But hey, worked out pretty good for him.

Comparative Government
Florida State University


You Own a Mid-80’s Neoprene Vest? Disturbing.

Hipster: You know you’re in a bad neighbourhood when a patron of your garage sale asks, “is this bulletproof?” in all seriousness while picking up a mid-80s vest with neoprene accents.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Marty


Tonight’s Movie: BrokeBlackBerry Mountain

Loud flamboyant gay man on cell: Yeah! I, like, just changed my cell phone! Yeah, I didn’t even have to pay for it! No, I’m going to pay the guy back with a blowjob.

Eureka, California


The Trade-Off Is More Cooties

Exasperated five-year-old to younger sister throwing temper tantrum: You would be a lot less annoying if you were a boy.

Little Rock, Arkansas

Overheard by: Ain’t that the truth


Except When I Was Looking at Him Through a Bottle

Hot girl: Oh, he’s cute.
(one drink later, and him popping his collar)
Hot girl: Oh my god! He just got… No, ew! I have never had alcohol make a guy ugly before.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Overheard by: should have been drunk