Archive for April, 2012

…Re­peat­ed­ly

Stu­dent, speak­ing to prospec­tive stu­dents and their par­ents: Pro­fes­sors are al­ways avail­able for you. In fact, some of them even make you come.

Wom­en’s Col­lege
Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin


They’re on a Strict See-Food Di­et.

Tired eight-year-old: But I don’t wan­na see the po­lar bears!
Even more tired dad: Well, too bad, be­cause they wan­na see you!

San Diego Zoo
Cal­i­for­nia


Could…and Did!

Guy leav­ing apart­ment: Man, it is mag­nif­i­cent­ly or­gas­mic out. I could blow a load in my pants right now.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Cryp­tic


We Do! We Do!

Not-hot brunette guy: Stop rub­bing your ass.
Hot blond guy: But I’m sore.
Hot brunette guy: Shut up!
Hot blond guy: I’m not com­plain­ing, by the way.
Not-hot brunette guy: I think it’s bet­ter in the morn­ing, too.
Hot brunette guy: I said shut up!
Hot blond guy: Please. Like any­one cares that you guys fucked me be­fore break­fast.

Amer­i­can Uni­ver­si­ty
Wash­ing­ton, DC


…As God In­tend­ed

Girl to her friend: I mean, it was on­ly a blowjob. It’s not like he mouth-fucked her at gun­point.

Orono, Maine


I Have Of­fice Hours To­day, So It’s All Good

40-some­thing pro­fes­sor on cell: You know how some days every­one looks ug­ly and un­at­trac­tive? Well, to­day’s the op­po­site for me. Every­one looks cute and at­trac­tive to me. I must be ovu­lat­ing.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Col­orado at Boul­der

Over­heard by: Wish I had­n’t over­heard that…


Girls Who Hate Sex Are Al­ways Sur­prised by What Hap­pens Next

Girl walk­ing with two male friends: And you did­n’t see it com­ing! No one saw it com­ing!
Guy #1, qui­et­ly to guy #2: Did you see it com­ing?
Guy #2: I to­tal­ly saw it com­ing.
Girl, obliv­i­ous: Not one sin­gle per­son saw it com­ing!

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Fe­lic­i­ty This­tle