Archive for June, 2012

And There­in Lies the Prob­lem

Girl #1: I mean, I would to­tal­ly go to Italy, if it was­n’t in South Amer­i­ca.
Girl #2: Yeah, I can un­der­stand that.

East Car­oli­na Uni­ver­si­ty
Greenville, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Pass­ing by in awe


Be­ing in the Mafia Is a 24/7 Job

Col­lege girl: And then I told him “I have to get back to my rats…”

Uni­ver­si­ty of Flori­da

Over­heard by: …what the heck?


No Shit!

Mid­dle school girl: Oh, god! I feel like I just had…
High school girl: A colonoscopy?

Lock Haven, Penn­syl­va­nia


At Least Chil­dren Are Hon­est

One year old: (cries and yells loud­ly)
Teacher: You’re go­ing to wake up all my friends. That’ll make me sad. Do you want me to cry?
One year old: (paus­es, nods em­phat­i­cal­ly)

Preschool, Den­ver, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Lee


Ken Doll Has Al­ways Had Is­sues at School

Pro­fes­sor, on Mil­ton’s Par­adise Lost: What was it that Adam and Eve had in the Gar­den of Eden that none of you have?
Stu­dent #1: In­no­cence?
Pro­fes­sor: Aaaand?
Stu­dent #2: A per­fect re­la­tion­ship with god?
Pro­fes­sor: Aaaaand?
Stu­dent #3: Sex or­gans?
En­tire class: (stares, then starts laugh­ing)
Pro­fes­sor: Do you have some­thing you’d like to share with the class, young man?

UMass
Amherst, Mass­a­chu­setts


The Same Prayer J Lo Says Each Morn­ing

Old­er man: And god saved me from can­cer, I’m sup­posed to be dead. God bless you. God bless me… (goes on about god with­out paus­ing for breath)
Three-year-old boy: Bless my butt!
Old­er man: Well, nice to meet you. (walks away)

Church
Coastal Maine

Over­heard by: Kat­VO


And You Know How You Have a Dog Sit on It to Keep It Warm?

Wait­ress: Yeah, we think we know why it tast­ed fun­ny. You know how you de­frost, then re­freeze, the de­frost and then cook seafood?
Group of din­ers: (blank stare)
Wait­ress: Yeah, we think it was that.
Group of din­ers: What?

Vic­to­ria
Aus­tralia