Bald guy to hot lady after she drains half her iced tea with with a straw: Will you marry me?

West Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Nice Try

Girl #1: Dave asked me out.
Girl #2: Again! If you go out with that guy I’m going to pee on you!

Manhattan, New York

Man on cell at urinal: We need beer money… We need $13,000, and there’s eight of us.

Men’s Room
Nutley, New Jersey

Gangsta guy #1 in reference to yoga ad: Damn, I need me a woman like that!
Gangsta guy #2: You need a lot of class to get a woman like that.
Gangsta guy #1: Or a lotta cash money.
Gangsta guy #2: Or just say “I’mma put you on yo head and fuck the shit outta you!”

Chicago, Illinois

Girl: My party sucked.
Friend: No it didn’t!!
Girl: No, my party sucked.
Guy: Your party had hepatitis.

Hoboken, New Jersey

Older man to another: Yeah, one thing I have learned here: never stand between the soroity girls and the ice cream!

Hanover, New Hampshire

Overheard by: college student

Girl on cell: And then I was like Sammy Davis Jr. Is not the same person as Samuel L. Jackson! (pause) Wait, which one has the problem with the snakes?

Picadilly Circus
London, England

Rugby player: So… My forensic anthropology midterm now has the Fibonacci sequence scribbled on the edge. Is that bad?
Friend: Well, look on the bright side: it’s a step up from dead baby jokes!

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Overweight brunette: I love you.
Overweight blond: I’d love you more if you cleaned your armpits.

University of Houston, Texas

Girl #2, seeing girl #1 pulling out gum: Ew! Is that cum gum?
Girl #1, very confused: What? No! What the hell is cum gum?
Girl #2: Oh, my mom calls the gum with the juicy stuff in the middle cum gum.

Manhattan, New York