Guy #1 to guy #2: Se­ri­ous­ly, if you just gape her ass­hole wide enough…

Ar­ca­ta, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: theo­nion

Bald guy to hot la­dy af­ter she drains half her iced tea with with a straw: Will you mar­ry me?

West Palm Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Nice Try

Girl #1: Dave asked me out.
Girl #2: Again! If you go out with that guy I’m go­ing to pee on you!

Man­hat­tan, New York

Man on cell at uri­nal: We need beer mon­ey… We need $13,000, and there’s eight of us.

Men’s Room
Nut­ley, New Jer­sey

Gangs­ta guy #1 in ref­er­ence to yo­ga ad: Damn, I need me a woman like that!
Gangs­ta guy #2: You need a lot of class to get a woman like that.
Gangs­ta guy #1: Or a lot­ta cash mon­ey.
Gangs­ta guy #2: Or just say “I’m­ma put you on yo head and fuck the shit out­ta you!”

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Girl: My par­ty sucked.
Friend: No it did­n’t!!
Girl: No, my par­ty sucked.
Guy: Your par­ty had he­pati­tis.

Hobo­ken, New Jer­sey

Old­er man to an­oth­er: Yeah, one thing I have learned here: nev­er stand be­tween the soroity girls and the ice cream!

Hanover, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: col­lege stu­dent

Girl on cell: And then I was like Sam­my Davis Jr. Is not the same per­son as Samuel L. Jack­son! (pause) Wait, which one has the prob­lem with the snakes?

Pica­dil­ly Cir­cus
Lon­don, Eng­land

Uni­ver­si­ty girl #1: Wow I like your mit­tens, they look like cow wool or some­thing… Or maybe sheep wool. (pause) I guess all wool is sheep wool, is­n’t it?
Uni­ver­si­ty girl #2: Yeah, I guess I nev­er re­al­ly thought about it that way!

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: The zoe

Rug­by play­er: So… My foren­sic an­thro­pol­o­gy midterm now has the Fi­bonac­ci se­quence scrib­bled on the edge. Is that bad?
Friend: Well, look on the bright side: it’s a step up from dead ba­by jokes!

Au­raria Cam­pus
Den­ver, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Lee