Archive for September, 2012

Or, “Excuse Me, Ma’am, Would You Mind Being My Sexual Dreidel?”

Gangsta guy #1 in reference to yoga ad: Damn, I need me a woman like that!
Gangsta guy #2: You need a lot of class to get a woman like that.
Gangsta guy #1: Or a lotta cash money.
Gangsta guy #2: Or just say “I’mma put you on yo head and fuck the shit outta you!”

Chicago, Illinois

A, B, or C?

Girl: My party sucked.
Friend: No it didn’t!!
Girl: No, my party sucked.
Guy: Your party had hepatitis.

Hoboken, New Jersey

Indiana Jones?

Girl on cell: And then I was like Sammy Davis Jr. Is not the same person as Samuel L. Jackson! (pause) Wait, which one has the problem with the snakes?

Picadilly Circus
London, England

Bite Your Tongue!

Rugby player: So… My forensic anthropology midterm now has the Fibonacci sequence scribbled on the edge. Is that bad?
Friend: Well, look on the bright side: it’s a step up from dead baby jokes!

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

When My Dad Chews It, She Calls Him Gay

Girl #2, seeing girl #1 pulling out gum: Ew! Is that cum gum?
Girl #1, very confused: What? No! What the hell is cum gum?
Girl #2: Oh, my mom calls the gum with the juicy stuff in the middle cum gum.

Manhattan, New York