it was a shit­ty night. Two guys start­ed get­ting rough with me, and I had to use the mace hose on them. Love you too, mom. Bye.

DMV — Chica­go

Big an­gry-look­ing bik­er-guy with skull tat­toos, to ice cream shop serv­er: Do you have any of those bendy-straws? You know, the kind that goes ‘boop-boop-boop’?

To­ber­mory, On­tario, Cana­da

Over­heard by: Don’t judge a book…

Gay guy eat­ing lunch with fam­i­ly: Stop do­ing your gro­cery shop­ping at the ice cream truck!

Old Spaghet­ti Fac­to­ry, Phoenix, AZ

Over­heard by: San­dra

<b>rocker dude:</b> you made out with bil­ly*?
<b>tattooed chick:</b> I had to, he was yelling at me!
<b>rocker dude:</b> what do you mean he was yelling at you? What was he yelling?
<b>tattooed chick:</b> make out with me! Make out with me!

Char­lotte, NC

Woman: I don’t smell like dead bod­ies any­more.

Boston, MA

Over­heard by: Cryp­tic

Old la­dy #1: (talk­ing about 50 shades of grey) oh it’s hot. It’s very hot.
Old la­dy #2: I heard it’s sup­posed to be dis­gust­ing.
Old la­dy #1: Oh yes, it’s dis­gust­ing. It’s ab­solute­ly dis­gust­ing.
Phys­io­ther­a­pist: Then why are you read­ing it?
Old la­dy #1: Be­cause there’s a sec­ond and third one.

Re­tire­ment Vil­lage, Perth, Aus­tralia

Hitler looka­like w/ mus­tache and can­ni­bal corpse t‑shirt, stand­ing out­side star­bucks: Hey, would you buy me a cof­fee?
Vague­ly jew­ish-look­ing hip­ster girl: Not af­ter what you did!

Van­cou­ver, Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Sieg Fail

Cu­ri­ous man: Do you eat fish?
Inar­tic­u­late veg­e­tar­i­an woman: I do but I don’t, you know? It’s like, I do… But I don’t.
Cu­ri­ous man: Oh, okay.

Boston, MA

Over­heard by: Cryp­tic