Archive for December, 2012

Is There Any­thing More In­spir­ing Than That?!

Guy look­ing out win­dow on train: Oh! Those are the bike trails I want­ed to tell you about. See how they are sep­a­rate from the road there, then they join back up. They go all the way down­town.
(short lull in con­ver­sa­tion)
Woman: So, I’m re­al­ly proud of my mom for be­ing sober…
Guy, cut­ting her off: Look! There’s the bike trail again, go­ing un­der that bridge!

Port­land, Ore­gon

Would­n’t You Know If I’m Blond? Id­iot.

Asian NY tourist girl: We should to­tal­ly go to Hawaii!
Asian NY’s sis­ter: Yeah, one of my friends has a place there!
Asian N tourist girl: Can you ask him if we can crash at his place?
Asian NY’s sis­ter: I’ll see what he says!
Asian NY tourist girl: Oh, but what’s the cur­ren­cy there?
Asian NY guy: Are you blonde?
Asian NY tourist girl: Why?


I’m Guess­ing Many Of Yours Con­sid­ered It

Pro­fes­sor, in mid­dle of lec­ture about DNA: If I’m sick, I’m not go­ing to give any mon­ey to the god­damn med­ical… Well, nev­er mind. I’d rather go to Thai­land and blow it all in one good go… Un­like women with the breast can­cer gene, you think a 20-year-old man is go­ing to go to a doc­tor and re­move his prostate? No, he’ll say “I’ll give it a run, ar­rrgh!“
and par­ents can se­quence a fe­tus’ genes! They say “you know, I don’t like that com­bi­na­tion, let’s abort lit­tle Bob­by!”

Tufts Uni­ver­si­ty
Med­ford, Mass­a­chu­setts

But Yes, They Are.

Kid, watch­ing the elec­tion: The worst months of my life are over!
Adult: You’re sev­en years old!

Pa­cif­ic Pal­isades, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Josh M.

Learned That the Hard Way

Sci­ence teacher: We’ll be learn­ing about stan­dard tem­per­a­ture pres­sure, al­so known as STP.
Stu­dent: STDs!?
Sci­ence teacher: No, STP! But you’re all very good at STDs.

Perth Mod­ern School
West­ern Aus­tralia

Why I Wear Head­phones on the Train.

Man an­swer­ing phone: Hey ba­by, so how much? Oh god that’s mon­ey we could be savin! Or to go to the game! Well we got­ta get her teeth fixed. What she do break her whole god-damn braces out her whole mouff? … No she got­ta have teeth, ba­by… Its just 3 steps for­ward 2 back. Yeah ba­by… I know. Yeah bye.
Same guy #2 min­utes lat­er, an­gri­ly speak­ing thru clenched teeth on phone:
Mom, you bet­ter be ready this time cause I’m tired and cranky and every time I’m al­ways wait­in for you to get ready. I’m in newark now, go get your clothes on or you aint goin. Yes! Be ready or I’m leav­in your ass home… Yeah mom… Bye bye mom­my. Be ready. Bye.

NJ tran­sit Newark > NYC

Over­heard by: rick