Archive for June, 2014

Al­so, In­stead of Lab Equip­ment, I’ve Pur­chased My­self Ex­tra Scotch

Poli-Sci pro­fes­sor putting a pic­ture of a pan­da bear on over­head pro­jec­tor: Well, nor­mal­ly we’d talk about the syl­labus right now, but our de­part­men­t’s so cheap they could­n’t print a syl­labus for each of you, so I’ll show you a pic­ture of a pan­da in­stead.

Why the Bible’s En­dured

Kid: Mom, what’s the last sup­per? Why is it called ‘The Last Sup­per’?
Mom: Be­cause it’s the last meal Je­sus had with his dis­ci­ples.
Kid: Awe­some!
Mom: … Be­fore one of his dis­ci­ples be­trayed him and he was killed.
Kid: Awe­some!

North Haven, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: John­ny Utah

Ham­burg­ers, That’s How

Non-na­tive pre­sent­ing for speech class: Every­one has cows in their life. Cows at home. Cows at work. Cows in our fam­i­lies. Cows can take over every­thing. But how do we get rid of the cows?
Teacher: Chaos. It’s pro­nounced ‘chaos.’

Tru­man Col­lege
Chica­go, Illi­nois

I Make Most of My Prof­it on the Over­seas Re­lease

Drunk­en wed­ding guest to video­g­ra­ph­er go­ing from ta­ble to ta­ble: Zach*, I want to wish you and Jen­ny* many years of hap­pi­ness, and I hope you get as much plea­sure out of fuck­ing her as I did.
Oth­er guests at ta­ble: Erase that! Erase that!
Video­g­ra­ph­er: Are you kid­ding? This is like gold!

Roslyn Jew­ish Cen­ter
Roslyn Heights, New York

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry