Who Remembers Who Started It? The Important Thing Is We’re Going to Finish It

Five-year-old boy walking past deli: Awww… Why do they have to kill chickens?
Seven-year-old sister: Because the chicken is the natural enemy of man.

Maryland

Overheard by: Gary Lewis

Top 10 All Time Scorer on Grand Theft Auto

Guy at ID counter: I’m sorry. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Old lady: I’d rather shoot the police…

http://overheardinumcp.blogspot.com/2006/10/uhhh.html

Overheard by: tom

Be Considerate of the Rest of Us

Jock: No, dude, you totally have to use a condom with a plastic vagina.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2006/10/sundays-suck.html

Overheard by: hung

I’ll Think of More Reasons Once I Start

Frat boy #1: I think I’m going to start doing cocaine instead of marijuana. I need to step it down a notch.
Frat boy #2: Uh, how is that stepping it down, exactly?
Frat boy #1: I dunno. I just think cocaine is more practical.

http://overheardina2.blogspot.com/2007/03/steppin-it-down-notch.html

Overheard by: amy

P Diddy: Just Call It ‘Sampling’

Client to design agency, regarding their website: For simplicity’s sake, we ripped off a few things.

http://adverbatims.blogspot.com/2007/01/i‑need-it-4-yesterday-delivery-74.html

Nothing Like Taking an Exam in the Afterglow

Frat boy #1: I already jacked off three times today!
Frat boy #2: Sweet! That’s what I’m going to do as soon as I finish this test.
Frat boy #1: Maybe I should just go rub one out in the bathroom now… [He leaves the room.] 

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/01/breaks-broke.html

Overheard by: Maxwell

Which Is a Fancy Word That Means ‘Requiring a Splint’

Sororitard: I mean, he has, like, clinical depression. That’s like breaking your arm. It’s, like, hereditary.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/01/sundays-best.html

Overheard by: dek

Apparently I’ve Never Experienced 115 Degree Heat

Freshman girl: It’s so much better when it’s cold than it is when it’s warm — all you can do when it’s 115 degrees out is sit around and air out your vagina flaps!

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2006/11/ten-days-all-at-once-huge-update.html

Overheard by: broyhaha

Dude, I Remember When You Were Cool

Frat boy: Nah, I’m not going out tonight. I’d rather wake up tomorrow and have a problem set done instead of a fat girl.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/02/monday-madness.html

Overheard by: doug

Dr. Phil?

Student #1: Who’s that bald guy?
Student #2: That stupid-ass bitch that I want to kill.
Student #1, nonchalant: Oh.

41 West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California

Overheard by: Argonath