Archive for September, 2015

The All Eng­land Lawn Ten­nis Club Re­fused Com­ment on This Quote

Drunk guy, look­ing over at girl in black tights: Ohhh maaaaan…
Drunk girl: Her? Re­al­ly? She looks dirty.
Drunk guy: You mean easy…
Drunk girl, turn­ing to friend sit­ting down at ta­ble with drinks: Seen her over there? The slut­ty one?
Friend: Slut­ty?! She looks like she’d shit through a ten­nis rack­et on­to your chest…
(drunk girl sprays beer all over ta­ble).

Leam­ing­ton Spa, Eng­land

Over­heard by: Bleep

…Slight­ly More Stu­pid

Girl sit­ting be­side guy on lap­top: Yo, is that Tyra?
Guy on lap­top: It’s a tele­vised City Hall meet­ing…
Girl sit­ting be­side guy on lap­top: Same thing.


Over­heard by: Blahh

I Mean Gera­ni­ums!

Woman #1: Where did you go to col­lege?
Woman #2: Uni­ver­si­ty of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Vir­ginia?
Woman #2: No, it’s ac­tu­al­ly in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohh­hh, sor­ry, I’m bad with geom­e­try.
Woman #2: …
Woman #1: I mean ge­ol­o­gy!

Ann Ar­bor, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Ac­tu­al­ly, that was my mom.

Have a Rel­a­tive­ly Ex­plo­sion-Free Day, Every­body!

TSA guy #1: Why aren’t you pat­ting every­one down?
TSA guy #2: That’s what the ma­chines are for.
TSA guy #1: Do you see the ma­chines work­ing?! Do you see any­one walk­ing through the ma­chines?!
TSA guy #2: Oh. Oops. Oh, well, it hap­pens.

Den­ver In­ter­na­tion­al Air­port
Den­ver, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Stephanie

So, No Rules, Just Right?

Bar­tender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dis­sect­ing ba­bies. Y’­know, cut­ting them to get skin sam­ples.
Bar­tender: Re­al­ly?
Girl: Yeah. We call it ‘the ba­by grinder.‘
Bar­tender: That’s dis­gust­ing.
Girl: What’s re­al­ly gross is every time I do it I get re­al­ly hun­gry.