Archive for October, 2015

Some­times the Tooth Fairy Makes Ex­tra Spe­cial Vis­its

Boy stand­ing in line for smooth­ie: That bet­ter not be sparkle lips gloss.
Girl stand­ing with him, ap­ply­ing lip gloss: It is, but it has like too many sparkles.
Boy: That’s even worse! (pause) My one friend woke up with a ring of sparkles around his… well, you know…

Uni­ver­si­ty Fair

Over­heard by: ash­ley

Poor Jay Leno.

Guy: What do you want me to do, put my head on a di­et?

Frank­fort, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Lis­sa

Is Any­one Else Kin­da Aroused?

Bo­gan guy: Oh, I for­got to get you some­thing for din­ner tonight.
Bo­gan girl: I wish I could walk to the shops. It’s al­right for you, you wan­na walk some­where, you just go.
Bo­gan guy: You can’t go to the shops, it’s not safe.
Bo­gan girl: I re­al­ly like walk­ing. You know, I just go out on my own, and I’m out­side…
Bo­gan guy: But it’s not safe on your own, and it’s so far away.
Bo­gan girl: Yeah, but I re­al­ly like walk­ing, walk­ing is re­al­ly cool. I re­al­ly like it.
Bo­gan girl: So, what, are you gonna have me eat two-minute noo­dles for din­ner?
Bo­gan guy: For fuck­’s sake, I don’t care what you eat! Walk to the fuck­ing shops if you fuck­ing want to! Just stop your fuck­ing whing­ing!


New York­ers-in-Train­ing

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, we’re stopped here be­cause Am­trak’s hav­ing sig­nal trou­ble. They’re work­ing on the line, but don’t know how long it’ll take. We could be here five min­utes, we could be here fifty min­utes.
Loud­mouthed com­muter: I don’t be­lieve this–the same fuck­ing thing hap­pened on Mon­day!
Even loud­er com­muter: Why the fuck you got­ta use lan­guage like that?
Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, let me re­mind you it is not the con­duc­tors’ fault the train is stopped. We want to go home too, and we’re stuck here on this train with you.

NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Grace­ful Space