Archive for February, 2016

And Such Small Por­tions!

50-some­thing woman: Fine by me! How much co­caine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Prob­a­bly on­ly, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that’s the prob­lem with drugs these days. They are so ex­pen­sive.

Over­heard by: her niece

We Care About Dif­fer­ent Bears

Guy with clip­board: Do you have a minute for hu­man rights?
Guy walk­ing by: No. (pause) Wait, did you say hu­mans rights?
Guy with clip­board: Yes.
Guy walk­ing by: Oh, I thought you were one of those crazy en­vi­ron­men­tal­ist peo­ple.
Guy with clip­board: No, we’re crazy gay rights peo­ple.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Col­orado, Boul­der

Over­heard by: Vi­o­lentvix­en

The Ser­pent Does­n’t Even Try Any­more

Perky girl: Oh, that sign said “ap­ples.” And I thought, “oh, ap­ples!“
Less perky friend, af­ter long si­lence: Okay, then.


Over­heard by: Fe­lic­i­ty This­tle

How Do You Think Rudolph’s Nose Got So Red?

Drunk blonde: Do you think deer get bored? I mean, all they do is go in­to the wilder­ness and play. It’s not like they can go home and say, ‘Hey, Mom deer. Hey, Dad deer! What’s for din­ner?’ I would hate to be an an­i­mal.
Dri­ver: We are an­i­mals! And hu­mans get bored.
Drunk blonde: Yeah, but when we get bored, we can drink and play beer pong.
Dri­ver: How do you know deers don’t play beer pong?

Mont­clair State Uni­ver­si­ty
New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: BTAN