Archive for June, 2016

Well, I’m Sorry I Made You Kiss Her Feet…

New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger’s gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell’s wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?


Janine Began to Regret Taking the Housekeeping Job at the Nunnery

Hot girl on cell: Um, why were your boxers in the bathroom trash can this morning? Okay, well, from now on throw them away in the dumpster and maybe, I don’t know, wipe before you decide to do lunges?

Overheard by: you could do better

Now You Can Watch Videos While It Drops Your Calls

Chick: So, what’s so special about this phone other than making millions of people shit their pants simultaneously?
Guy: It hasn’t got any buttons, or some-such. It can tell who you want to call by reading your mind. Also, it smells like flowers and tastes like bacon. Which is handy, since it can regrow its own skin. And fly.
Chick: Well, I’ll be.

Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: I did NOT shit my pants.