Archive for November, 2016

Just Use the Other End

Drunk hetero: You’re gay, he’s gay, so what’s the problem?
Drunk queer: He just threw up all over himself.
Drunk hetero: You take what you can get.

The White Front Bar
Philipsburg, Montana

Like Your Father Needs More Encouragement to Be Flatulent

Little boy: Mommy! I want to get my daddy this card!
Mother: But honey, you don’t know what that means.
Little boy: Yes, I do! I do!
Mother: Okay, what does it mean?
Little boy: Pull my finger. It means… pull my finger! That’s what you do, right? You pull the monkey’s finger.
Mother: Um… Honey, you don’t know what that means. Here, why don’t you give Daddy this other card instead?
Little boy, crying: No! I do know what it means. I want to get my daddy this card! He would like it!
Mother, sighing: Okay, fine… But you don’t know what it means.
Little boy, happily: My daddy is really going to like this card! I just know it!

Fred Meyer
Springfield, Oregon