Archive for February, 2017

Time Gives White Peo­ple the Il­lu­sion They Un­der­stand Black Peo­ple

Pro­fes­sor talk­ing about the Can­ter­bury tales: So the fri­ar has this gold pin he wears, he wears it un­der his neck to keep his hood closed … It’s bling!
(class laughs)
Pro­fes­sor: I nev­er want to hear any­one say I’m not up on the times. They had this ar­ti­cle in Time mag­a­zine, it was an in­ter­view with a rap­per, the guy’s name was “fifty cents.”
(class laughs)
Pro­fes­sor: But I’m cool, and I know that it’s not “fifty cents,” it’s “fid­dy.”

Car­leton Uni­ver­si­ty

Way to Ru­in the Mo­ment

Mid­dle-aged woman: My wed­ding ring from my first mar­riage has new mean­ing now.
Friend: What’s that?
Mid­dle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it did­n’t fit any­more, I took it as a sign to di­vorce the bas­tard and mar­ry Je­sus Christ.
Friend: Why don’t you just wear it on your toe in­stead?

Over­heard by: good lord.

You’d Be Lucky If They Were On­ly Rapists

Red­necks in pick­up truck, dri­ving past bus stop: Hey, pret­ty girl! Want a ride?
(pret­ty girl wait­ing for bus shakes her head, truck moves on)
Pret­ty girl, to male com­pan­ion: So, is every­one here just re­al­ly friend­ly, or what?
Male com­pan­ion: No, they’re creepy. Don’t talk to them.

High­land­town, Bal­ti­more

Over­heard by: tourist

… Bob

Chick on cell: Okay, I feel like you would know if you waxed your in­ner labia…

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: La­dle