Archive for August, 2017

…Re­mem­ber When We Used to Talk About Pol­i­tics?

60-year-old man #1: Do you get the Dis­ney chan­nel?
60-year-old man #2: I sure do!
60-year-old man #1: Do you ever watch Kim Pos­si­ble?
60-year-old man #2: It’s my fa­vorite show!
60-year-old man #1: No way! Me too!
60-year-old man #2, at­tempt­ing to sing: Call me, beep me, if ya’ wan­na reach me!
60-year-old man #1: (si­lence)
60-year-old man #2: I like the naked rat.

Rens­se­laer Poly­tech­nic In­sti­tute
Troy, New York

Over­heard by: Ba­con

Steve Miller: “Same Here.”

Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichev­er would make the pret­ti­est vagi­na. Seems to work pret­ty well.

Pro­duce Mar­ket
Tam­pa, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Dr. Ba­nana Grab­ber

And I Know What “Au­to­eroti­cism” Means

Four-year-old in shop­ping cart: Yad­da, yad­da, yad­da, yad­da! (re­peat­ed over and over)
Mom: Stop that! Stop say­ing that!
Four-year-old: (con­tin­ues)
Mom: You don’t even know what that means! Just be­cause you don’t know what some­thing means does­n’t mean you can just re­peat it like that. (turns to man be­hind her in line) I don’t know where he gets this stuff.
Four-year-old: I heard it from you, crazy!

Colum­bus, Ohio

Over­heard by: Lind­say

I’m Gonna Pull-Start Him Like a Lawn­mow­er

Hot Asian chick #1: The pas­sion par­ty was so fun — you guys should’ve gone.
Hot Asian chick #2: Oh my god! I wish I would’ve known about it. Did they have the Jack Rab­bit?
Hot Asian chick #3: Yeah — and, like, oils and stuff?
Hot Asian chick #2: For­get that! Did they have anal beads?! [Sighs and glances over at her boyfriend] Our sex life has re­al­ly got­ten bor­ing…

Dal­las, Texas

Over­heard by: look­ing for the cam­eras