Stoner girl to stoner guy: Vietnam was a war, not a country!
Sacramento, California
Archive for August, 2017
Two More Bails and He Gets a Free Set Of Steak Knives
Coed: Ma, will you bail me out if I get arrested on Tuesday?
Mother: No.
Coed: Do you think dad will?
Mother: Yes, ask your father, he does those kind of things.
University Avenue
Palo Alto, California
Only That One Time, When We Were Stuck in Traffic
Small boy: It’s fire!
His mother: That is your umbrella. It is not a sword or weapon of any kind.
Small boy: It’s underpants!
Trolley
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
In Cambridge? Perish the Thought.
Girl to friend: We’re under a bridge! I feel like a crack dealer.
Midsummer Common
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anti-Math
Many People Feel That Way About Courtney Love
40-something female suit to friends: I just wanted to cover her in Lysol!
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Wondering what the rest of the conversation was…
The One You Held Hands with During Our Slumber Party
Fratboy wannabe #1, entering coffee shop, to friend: Dude, I was just attacked by Wes.
Fratboy wannabe #2: Who’s Wes? Do I know Wes?
Fratboy wannabe #1: Yeah, yeah. Big guy, lives in our dorm.
Fratboy wannabe #2: The one I gave a hug to last night?
Fratboy wannabe #1: I don’t know. I can’t keep up.
Golden Roast
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Creeped-out Cara
Ironically, the Skirt Has a Silver Lining
Girl in uniform: So when I went to pick up my uniform there were no skirts. So my mom was like “My daughter needs bottoms.“
Friend: That sucks!
Girl in uniform: Yeah, the skirt I’m wearing now belongs to this girl who was deported to Trinidad.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr
I Blame Myself for Buying You the Little Pin-striped Suit and Supersoaker
Female: What are you gonna be for Halloween?
Child: Al Capone.
Female: But you’re Al Capone every day.
Memphis, Tennessee
I’m Known As the Paul Revere of Gaudy Accessories
Lesbian with terrible tie: I am the vanguard of the revolution.
Cozy Corner Diner & Pancake House
Chicago, Illinois
Um, It’s a Shit Party in Your Pants, Dude
Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You’re too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I’m not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn’t think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It’s a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain’t a sure thing!!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
