Guy to girlfriend: I like when we’re both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Archive for December, 2017
When Yonkers Girls Make a Sexual Availability Statement
Roller girl: Whoa! That’s a vagina you could accidentally fist.
Yonkers, New York
… In Church
Guy to pal: Sometimes I wish it were socially acceptable to have another guy suck your dick.
Simpsonville, South Carolina
How Intelligent Design Theorists Date
Girl to guy making out with her at bar: So, do you want my phone number?
Guy: If it was meant to be, I’ll guess it.
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: The Scandinavian
Traditional Women Expect a High Return on Their Investment
20-something artist: She’s pretty puritanical for someone who gets naked for money.
Portland, Oregon
When They Do, It’s Quickly and Sparsely.
Girl sitting in front of lecture hall to professor, very matter-of-factly: People don’t really use adverbs anymore.
Evans Hall, UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: the only one left
Tennessee Teenagers Have Only Two Options
Loud smoking kid: Man, I gotta help out at vacation bible school next week.
Girl: Why?
Loud smoking kid: I promised Zach I would if I wasn’t in jail.
Sewanee, Tennessee
Don’t Change a Hair for Me (Not If You Care for Me)
20-something girl: Fuck peter! I waxed my vag for you!
Toronto
Like, I Notice You’re Wearing a Nike Shirt…
50-something female to Native American presenter in elementary school: Is it true that the arrival of whites changed your way of life?
Denver, Colorado
…Then I’ll Have Everything Checked Off My Bucket List.
Wine girl #1: We should go get tattoos!
Wine girl #2: We totally should, I’ll be divorced by morning!
Open Mic Night
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: only if it’s my name on her ass
