Archive for February, 2018

That, and Get­ting High­lights

Drunk la­dy: So, like, I haven’t been to the bar since five. I re­al­ly hope this plane comes soon, be­cause I have to get to Jack­sonville be­cause my moth­er-in-law is dy­ing. Ha­ha­ha! Is­n’t that fun­ny? Oh my god, I look aw­ful. I should have nev­er left the house with­out my eye­lin­er.
Guy, star­ing: You’re se­ri­ous?
Drunk la­dy: Ab­solute­ly. I can nev­er step out­side the house with­out make­up.
Guy: I don’t think you should step out­side with­out re­ar­rang­ing your pri­or­i­ties.
Drunk la­dy: It’s my New Year’s res­o­lu­tion.

St. Paul In­ter­na­tion­al Air­port
Min­neapo­lis, Min­neso­ta

Over­heard by: Aayin

…When He Learns to Make a De­cent Sand­wich.

Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with av­o­ca­do.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hur­ri­cane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You’re al­ways stress­ing out that skin­ny white boy.
Black girl #1: Ha­ha, yeah. I should mar­ry him.

Bridge­port, Con­necti­cut

Al­li­son Took Sil­ver at the En­ti­tle­ment Olympics

Flight at­ten­dant to woman putting lug­gage in the on­ly over­head com­part­ment left: Ma’am, if you put your lug­gage there, but go way up front, when the plane lands, you’ll have to wait to de­plane un­til every­one else has be­cause you can’t go back here if you’re up front when peo­ple are try­ing to ex­it the plane.
Woman: But this is my on­ly op­tion!
Flight at­ten­dant: You could sit in the back.
Woman: No!

Al­le­giant Air­line
Ft. Wayne, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: ISP­gyp­sy