Archive for April, 2018

…As Seen in El­mo’ Mon­ey, El­mo’ Prob­lems.

Street­car an­nounce­ment: Next stop, Al­ton Av­enue!
Crazy guy on street­car: Next stop, house of con­t­a­m­i­nat­ed pup­pies!
Street­car an­nounce­ment: Next stop, Green­wood Av­enue!
Crazy guy on street­car: Next stop, have you ever tried to kill a Mup­pet in an al­ley?


Over­heard by: Fe­lic­i­ty This­tle

Yay! Let’s All Join the Army!

Girl #1, loud­ly in qui­et li­brary: And we thought we were go­ing to the lec­ture on rea­sons to join the army, but we ac­ci­den­tal­ly went to the wrong lec­ture the­ater, and it was a med­ical lec­ture on burns pa­tients!
Study­ing girl: Shh­h­hh!
Girl #1, loud­ly: And this med guy who knew we weren’t med stu­dents goes “This is a good lec­ture to come to! Lots of gory pic­tures!” and we were both think­ing “Shit! Are these army peo­ple go­ing to show us pho­tos of peo­ple who have been blown up or some­thing!?“
Study­ing boy and girl: Shh­h­h­h­h­hh!
Girl #2: Can’t be as bad as that lec­ture from first year. Re­mem­ber the pho­to of the per­son­’s head who’d been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loud­ly: Yeah! And they showed us pho­tos of a pe­nis which had been bit­ten off!
(every­one in li­brary, in­clud­ing study­ing boy and girl, burst out laugh­ing)

Grif­fith Uni­ver­si­ty Li­brary

Ap­par­ent­ly She Needs the Prac­tice

Goth teen girl: If you don’t come back to me, I’ll kill my­self.
Ex­as­per­at­ed teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don’t lis­ten to her. She’s al­ways killing her­self.

East Bay Din­er
Ocean­side, New York

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry