Girl: Cara is so cute.
Guy: Yeah, she’s adorable.
Girl: I mean, if I were a lesbian, I’d have sex with her.
Guy: I’m a little creeped out by that.
Girl: I mean, I’ve thought about it… (slight pause) I’ve never weighed myself!
Boston, Massachusetts
Archive for July, 2018
Please Don’t Put Me Under Your Love-Handles and Carry Me Home
Young boy: I’m so hungry! Mom, I’m so hungry I could eat you! I’m so hungry I could eat a fat girl!
Mother: Don’t call people fat, that isn’t nice.
Young boy: I didn’t mean you.
Yavapai Regional Medical Center
Prescott, Arizona
But I’m Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program
Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I’m the last of the great drinkers.
Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steve
Why Did I Ever Make Her My Happy Place?
Lonely grad student: I need to get to work so I can stop thinking about Janet Reno’s naked body.
Court of Sciences, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
I’m Definitely Calling Her Again.
20-something guy #1, in pub: So how’d it go?
20-something guy #2: How’d what go?
20-something guy #1: With that girl you pulled on Saturday?
20-something guy #2: Oh. Well at first it went well, went back to her place, she started sucking me off.
20-something guy #1: Nice.
20-something guy #2: Yeah. Until I passed out drunk and she got pissed off and bit my dick to wake me up.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Not in This Relationship
Girl running up stairs: I ran three miles yesterday!
Boy out of breath: I’m wearing pants.
Boyertown High School, Pennsylvania
You’re As Big a Disappointment As Your Mother!
Elderly lady to six-month-old baby: Now, I want you to say nice and clearly, “here I am, grandmother,” when I ask you where you are.
Oxford
England
Much Like My Soul!
Girl on cell: Yeah, so I’m going to tell my mom that he asked me to marry him, and then he died. (pause) Yeah, she’ll probably ask if I need anything, and that’s when I’ll tell her about the car. (pause) Yeah, I’ll be heartbroken, blah, blah, blah… at least I’ll get a new car out of the deal! (pause) He’s a made-up boyfriend! She’s not going to find out he didn’t really die, because he never really existed!
San Marcos, California
In a World Gone Mad, She Made Her Own Rules
Woman: If anyone ever hurts you tell them to stop that, because it’s not nice.
Little girl: And then you kick them in the face!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
I Think That’s a Generous Word for It
Child runs out into busy parking lot.
Mom: Careful! There are old people driving!
Overheard by: Eric Smith
