Archive for August, 2018

It Was All, “What Am I, a Fuck­ing Cow?”

Red­neck girl: So do you wor­ship cows?
Hin­du boy: Yes, that’s part of our re­li­gion.
Red­neck girl: No, I mean you. Do you wor­ship cows?
Hin­du boy: Yes! I do, my peo­ple do, it’s our re­li­gion!
Red­neck girl: So when you go to church, there’s a cow there?
Hin­du boy: No, we don’t go to church.
Red­neck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tip­ping?
Hin­du boy: What’s that?
Red­neck girl: It’s when you run up to a cow in the mid­dle of the night and push it over and it goes “mooooooooo!” I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.

High School
North Car­oli­na

Or the Poor Ba­by Je­sus

Amused girl: Okay, so the dog sits on the hay but it does­n’t want to eat the hay. Mean­while, it pees on the hay and leaves its dog­gy smell on the hay… Now, the horse comes along and wants to eat the hay, but the hay smells of dog­gy piss so the horse can’t eat it… You, my dear, are the horse. Ha­ha!
An­noyed girl: At least I’m not the piss.

Flori­da

Ah Well, You Can Al­ways Be­come Pres­i­dent.

Pro­fes­sor: Isaac New­ton, on his deathbed, was proud to an­nounce that he was a vir­gin. So if any of you want to be fa­mous sci­en­tists, you are go­ing to have to be will­ing to make a few sac­ri­fices.
Girl, rais­ing hand: Um.
Pro­fes­sor: Oh, is it too late?

De An­za Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege
Cu­per­ti­no, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: shy­in­vis­i­ble­girl loves physics

The Lega­cy of En­ron

Bel­liger­ent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bath­room door! Get back here, or I’ll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34th Street
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana