Blonde in library: Is that how you network? You just make out with people? Cause that’s how I thought it worked.
Bellingham, Washington
Archive for February, 2019
If All We’re Gonna Do Is Fall Down Them
Stoned guy: Stairs are really dangerous!
Stoned girl: Yeah! I don’t know why we have them…
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Your Bag O’ Dirt Looks Quite Lovely This Time Of Year
Hobo #1: Hey, look! It’s Roger!
Hobo #2: Who’s Roger?
Hobo #1: You know! Bag-o-dirt Roger!
Hobo #2: Oh. Hey, dirtbag!
Milwaukee,Wisconsin
One Word: Hot.
High-school girl: Seriously, it looked like he’d used her neck as a teething ring or something.
Wilmington, Delaware
Invented by Mister Newton.
Professor: So, I can see that some of you try to care about my feelings, and others don’t give a fig.
Student #1: Whoa! Could you not use such harsh vegetables?
(entire class goes silent)
Student #2: I didn’t know a “fig” was a vegetable.
Student #3: I thought it was a grape. A dried grape.
Johnson & Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island
Hope for the Best and Pack a Vibrator
Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?
Colby College, Maine
Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening
And a Fascist Participates in “Facials”?
Wadsworth character in the movie Clue: You see, my secret is that my wife was a socialist.
Girl watching the film: So, does that mean that she was a prostitute or something?
French class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
I’ll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Evolution professor: So why can’t humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that’d be a lot of fun, wouldn’t it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn’t have said anything, let’s continue…
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I’m glad he said it
Why Alcohol Exists.
Barman to another: I was looking forward to being miserable this weekend, but it seems to have turned out quite nicely.
http://www.violaraptor.co.uk/2011/06/quotebook-january-may-2011/
Overheard by: Raptor
Things Couldn’t Be Any Worse If We Were Victims Of Nuclear Holocaust!
Jappy milf #1: I just feel like all I do is sell houses. And I hate it. I just hate my life!
Jappy milf #2: Ugh, I know. We really need to get out of Armonk!
Jappy milf #1: I know. I hate my house! I hate everything in it! My life is horrible here!
Armonk, New York
