A girl screams and begins running away.
Friend: It’s a chipmunk, you dumbass!
Girl, resuming original path: Oh.
Hubbard Lane
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Jigga Mouse
Archive for April, 2019
You’re Not Butch Enough for Us, Pal
Hobo to girls: Oh, ladies, I like the way your skirts move. (girls look disgusted) Sorry, I can’t help it if I’m a lesbian.
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Sticking with pants
That’s at Least Half Right
Sleepy girl: Sex is overrated… but sleep isn’t.
Rockhampton, Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: shex
…Full Of Heroin?
Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?
CVS
Indianapolis, Indiana
Mary Kay Letourneau Always Knew What She Wanted
Kid: Woah, you just blew my mind!
Teacher: That’s not all I’ll blow.
High School
Pennsylvania
Raise Your Hand If You Know This Guy
Loud annoying guy, gesturing toward himself: Who has two thumbs and is ready to go? This guy!
Saratoga, New York
Overheard by: Ready to Go
Not Even by New Jersey Standards?
Guy, tenderly hugging girlfriend: You’re right, you’re not worthy.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Tonight’s Movie: The Object Of My Infection
Teen girl on phone: The chlamydia is inclusive.
Nashville, Tennessee
As Long As You Don’t Lie in the Same Bed Together, It’s All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That’s because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
