First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
Archive for May, 2019
Religion Does Seem to Be the Opium Of the People
Tourist mom: I’m fascinated by religions. I always read about them. But I’ve been watching this four-hour documentary on the Mormons and I can’t really get into it.
Daughter: Why not?
Tourist mom: Well, every time I watch it I fall asleep.
Temple Square
Salt Lake City, Utah
Look, There’s Seven of Them, Alright?
Tourist: What’s a gable?
Tour guide: A peak in a roof.
Tourist: So, a gable is a roof?
Tour guide: Uh… Yes.
House of Seven Gables
Salem, Massachusetts
Rather Than Someone Else’s
Guy at the end of the very long line to men’s room: Man, it’s like the line to Space Mountain. Except when you get to the end you have your dick in your hand.
Festival of Ales
Worcester, Massachusetts
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
They Wear Silly Clothing and Nothing Much Happens?
Professor, in regards to nationalism in film: Now what makes a film “British”?
Valedictorian: They all speak British?
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Adam
That’s the Place Where Babies Are Made, Right?
Nursing student: I don’t even know where the stomach is! I don’t even know what a stomach looks like!
Middlesex County College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Not even a Bio student.
Yeah, but We’re Also in Boston
Girl #1: And yeah… She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why… We’re in America.
Boston, Massachusetts
…As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.
Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It’s either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: change
So, under the Law, It Didn’t Count
Loud black girl: And Lafawnda was all, “I kissed a girl and I liked it!” But it wasn’t like she was curvaceous or anything!
Outside Shedd Aquarium
Chciago, Illinois
Overheard by: Mateo
