Archive for June, 2019

I’m Tryin’ to Cause a Scene Over Here!

Col­lege dude: She needs to get her fuckin’ face smashed in. She’s such a stu­pid bitch.
Friend: Who?
Col­lege dude: Janet*. I fuckin’ hate her. This is fuckin’ bull­shit. [To oth­er friend across the li­brary] Hey, shut the fuck up down there!

577 West­ern Av­enue
West­field, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: An­nie

The Dif­fer­ence Be­tween Qual­i­ty and Quan­ti­ty Eludes Many Amer­i­cans

Pout­ing new­ly­wed wife: I feel like we don’t spend enough time to­geth­er.
Seething new­ly­wed hus­band: (grinds teeth)
Pout­ing new­ly­wed wife: Enough qual­i­ty time.
Seething new­ly­wed hus­band: (re­mains silent)
Pout­ing new­ly­wed wife: Would you like me to tell you what qual­i­ty time is?
Seething new­ly­wed hus­band: (about to speak, thinks bet­ter of it)
Pout­ing new­ly­wed wife: 23 hours a day.

Over­heard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a re­sponse

Mom Was Nev­er the Same Af­ter My Birth

Ref­er­ee: The puck is loose! It’s loose it’s loose!
Play­er on the bench, muf­fled: Your mom is loose!
Ref­er­ee: I heard that.

Hock­ey Rink

Over­heard by: pen­guins

Mom Says I’m Em­bar­rass­ing Her

Frat boy #1, shout­ing: Man, I would nev­er date a girl who looks like my sis­ter.
Frat boy #2, al­so shout­ing: But that’s all you date.
Frat boy #1, in low­er voice: I know, but I got­ta stop.


Over­heard by: Mi­mi