Drunk lesbian to sober girlfriend: Aw, I wanna puke but I can’t!
Sober girlfriend: I would punch you in the stomach if you wanted …that’s how much I love you.
Drunk lesbian: Awww, that’s sweet.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Archive for October, 2019
She Wasn’t Well Bread
Drunk guy to friend: I didn’t respect her because she didn’t respect the sandwich.
Scooter’s Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who’s Single
Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?
Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jigawhat
Either Listen Up or Nap Like the Rest Of Us, Dude
Guy leaving psych class: Why are we talking about bed bugs liking it up the ass?! How is that relevant?
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ellie
And My Kidneys Start Back Up
Princess #1: Oh my god, I have that top in, like, three colors.
Princess #2: Yeah, me, too.
Princess #1: You wanna get some lunch or something?
Princess #2: I can’t. When I eat I get bloated.
Broadway Shopping Centre
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Ms Dash
It’s Like Pinnochio’s Nose
Woman #1: Well, you know, we’re screwed either way. Whether Obama or that other guy with the lump on the side of his face wins.
Woman #2: McCain?
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, he turns one way and it’s just all… (uses hands to demonstrate) There! What the fuck is that?
http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/10/lumpy.html
Overheard by: kris.
I Fantasized He Was Stuart Little
Chick: He was so short and cute — it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson’s Michael J. Fox!
Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa
And Priests Aren’t Interested in Me
Sexy blonde: So I was on cross-dresser’s wife yesterday.
Okay-looking blonde: What? Where?
Sexy blonde: Cross-dressers wife. Anyway, I was looking for hot cross-dressers to…you know,to…
Okay-looking blonde: I’m not sure I wanna hear the rest, but now I’m morbidly curious. And?
Sexy blonde: I couldn’t find any cross-dressers! It was, like, nothing but girls talking about cross-dressing and cross-dressers!
Okay-looking blonde: So? What’s wrong with that?
Sexy blonde: A girl’s got needs. I can’t just get started without cross-dressers. I should sue.
Kansas City, Kansas
Says the Woman They Call “Goy, Interrupted”?
Obnoxiously chatty woman, staring at holiday-themed stamps: It must be a menorah. They’re Jewish. They’re crazy guys.
Post Office
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Revision
But That’s Universal Health Care for You
Big burly man, earnestly: So then he said, “my wife is in labor,” but I didn’t exactly know what that meant.
English man, in disbelief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dunno… Um, like, just pregnant?
English man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, “yeah, that sucks for you.“
English man: Wow, he must have thought you were a real asshole.
Big burly man: Haha, yeah. And then she had the baby in the apartment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, anyway, now the building’s hot water’s not working.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
