Archive for October, 2019

And My Kid­neys Start Back Up

Princess #1: Oh my god, I have that top in, like, three col­ors.
Princess #2: Yeah, me, too.
Princess #1: You wan­na get some lunch or some­thing?
Princess #2: I can’t. When I eat I get bloat­ed.

Broad­way Shop­ping Cen­tre

Over­heard by: Ms Dash

It’s Like Pin­no­chio’s Nose

Woman #1: Well, you know, we’re screwed ei­ther way. Whether Oba­ma or that oth­er guy with the lump on the side of his face wins.
Woman #2: Mc­Cain?
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, he turns one way and it’s just all… (us­es hands to demon­strate) There! What the fuck is that?

Over­heard by: kris.

And Priests Aren’t In­ter­est­ed in Me

Sexy blonde: So I was on cross-dresser’s wife yes­ter­day.
Okay-look­ing blonde: What? Where?
Sexy blonde: Cross-dressers wife. Any­way, I was look­ing for hot cross-dressers to…you know,to…
Okay-look­ing blonde: I’m not sure I wan­na hear the rest, but now I’m mor­bid­ly cu­ri­ous. And?
Sexy blonde: I could­n’t find any cross-dressers! It was, like, noth­ing but girls talk­ing about cross-dress­ing and cross-dressers!
Okay-look­ing blonde: So? What’s wrong with that?
Sexy blonde: A girl’s got needs. I can’t just get start­ed with­out cross-dressers. I should sue.

Kansas City, Kansas

But That’s Uni­ver­sal Health Care for You

Big burly man, earnest­ly: So then he said, “my wife is in la­bor,” but I did­n’t ex­act­ly know what that meant.
Eng­lish man, in dis­be­lief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dun­no… Um, like, just preg­nant?
Eng­lish man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, “yeah, that sucks for you.“
Eng­lish man: Wow, he must have thought you were a re­al ass­hole.
Big burly man: Ha­ha, yeah. And then she had the ba­by in the apart­ment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, any­way, now the build­ing’s hot wa­ter’s not work­ing.


Over­heard by: try­ing not to laugh