Archive for December, 2019

We’ll Be De­part­ing Just As Soon As These Pills Wear Off

Pi­lot over loud­speak­er (riff­ing on har­mon­i­ca): This is your cap­tain speak­ing, (har­mon­i­ca riff) Wel­come aboard, (har­mon­i­ca riff) Please fas­ten your seat belts. (har­mon­i­ca riff) Or we won’t be able to leave beau­ti­ful At­lanta, Geor­gia.
(does long, jazzy har­mon­i­ca riff. Pas­sen­gers ap­plaud)
Pi­lot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.

Amer­i­can Air­lines Flight
At­lanta, Geor­gia

All Those Guys Care About Is Gas­tron­o­my!

Eng­lish pro­fes­sor, dis­cussing The Beau­ty and the Beast: What was his name? Gus­tav? Gas­ton? What­ev­er, he’s French, to hell with him!

Uni­ver­si­ty of Louisville
Louisville, Ken­tucky

Over­heard by: Skye

We Thought On­ly Amer­i­cans Knew This Lit­tle About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies’ room]Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It’s ur­gent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tam­pon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it of­ten. Not too of­ten, be­cause once I changed it too much and got chlamy­dia.
Girl #2: Oh…[Suppresses laugh.]

West­ern Aus­tralia

Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?

Mu­sic his­to­ry pro­fes­sor: Dar­win says that the sole pur­pose for liv­ing things is to sur­vive and pro­cre­ate. What about us, as mu­si­cians? Do we need mu­sic to sur­vive and pro­cre­ate? Well, some peo­ple be­lieve that mu­sic was cre­at­ed as a sort of mat­ing call. Com­pare the re­pro­duc­tive life of Ji­mi Hen­drix to the re­pro­duc­tive life of… well, me.
Class: Um…
Mu­sic his­to­ry pro­fes­sor: Well, clear­ly I win hands-down be­cause of all my groupies.

1 East Mount Ver­non Place
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: stravin­sky