Lady to friend: So I told him… ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Archive for January, 2020
Glory Be to God for Dappled Things
Chick: … So then I started exfoliating my nipples every morning…
London
England
Overheard by: gin
Potato, Potahto
Girl to pizza delivery guy: So that’s a meat feast, a ham and pineapple, a chicken supreme, and a Margherita for Amy because she’s a lesbian.
Amy: I’m a vegetarian!
Sheffield
England
You’ll Hear a Lot Of Myths About Safe Sex in College
Guy to girl: I just had this overwhelming urge to drink vinegar, and it worked!
University of New Orleans
Louisiana
When, Really, They Go Together Like a Wink and Smile
Loud 40-something: The government wants to cut down on unplanned pregnancy and decrease abortions, but a dozen condoms is as much as a 12-pack of beer? Hello, middle America is not choosing condoms over beer!
Burlington, Vermont
Sometimes You Don’t Even Have to Look at the Actual Papers in Order to Grade Them
Teacher: Your papers are due next Wednesday. They need to be at least two pages, double spaced.
Blonde girl: Wait… do you mean two spaces between each word?
Lincoln High School, Portland, Oregon
Aww, Who’s My Little Dribbler?
Wife to husband while watching the news: Oh my god! Hahahaha, did you hear what they just said?
Husband: About how that guy “took it on the chin”?
Wife: Yeah, I can’t believe they said that on the news!
Husband: I don’t think that means what you think it means.
Wife: Oh.
Toronto
Canadia
You Never Told Me That!
Blonde #1: I think it’s good we called off the wedding.
Blonde #2: Yeah, marriage probably wasn’t the best idea.
Blonde #1: I wonder if I would’ve actually gone through with it.
Blonde #2: Do you seriously think you would have?!
Blonde #1: Well, maybe…
Blonde #2: But he slept with me right after he proposed to you!
Blonde #1: Yeah, I guess…
Blonde #2: And he went up my ass!
http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2007/06/put-that-in-pre-nup.html
Overheard by: juniper
It Makes Up for My Lack Of Boobs.
Short Asian chick to tall white guy: Oh my gawd, I’ve got it! So, heat rises, right? So it’s probably all warm up there where you are, and down here with the normal people it’s cold, and that’s why you don’t think it’s cold, even though it’s freaking freezing! Gawd, I love being an Asian! I come up with the most genius shit!
Muirlands Middle School
La Jolla, California
No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.
Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could’ve had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said “free blowjobs” and they wouldn’t have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.
Chicago, Illinois
