Tired restaurant patron: Why would Reese’s Pieces put out rhesus monkeys? That’s just wrong!
Restaurant
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Fully aware restaurant patron
Archive for January, 2020
Sarah Really Knows How to Push Her Own Buttons.
Self-centered bimbo to another: I love texting myself, but I told myself: “let me see if I can hold off doing that til Sunday, to see if I can live alone.”
Mamaroneck, New York
Pop Quiz: Calculate the Odds It Will Actually Be Fine
Guy to girl in motel breakfast room: Fine! You want to fuck, then let’s fuck!
Seattle, Washington
She’d Still Be Creepy, but She’d Have a Profession
Middle aged Midwest tourist, extremely wistfully: I wish I would’ve gotten her that marionette…
Wall Drug
Wall, South Dakota
Overheard by: Melissa
According to the Very Reliable Hobo on My Corner
Girl: I didn’t say I was a lesbian cyborg, I just said I was a cyborg.
Guy: All cyborgs are lesbians.
Townsville
Australia
Just Like the Tag Promises!
Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!
TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket
That’s Why I Married Her, Sweetie
Dad, leading three-year-old girl to bathroom: You need to go potty? You can sit on the potty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that potty’s not for me. That’s for mommy. She has a big butt.
Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
…Since HR Told Him He Had to Start Giving Us Warnings
Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/325426424/at-least-he-gave-you-a-head-start.html
Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad
If You Double-Clutch Me, I’ll Bite It Off
Girl on cell: Yes, that’s exactly how I want to die! You driving us drunk down the highway at a hundred miles per hour while I give you head and you use one hand to play with my tits and the other to shift gears!
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne
But It’s Dolphin, Dolphin, Dolphin, Every Damned Night!
Creepster: Given the choice, I’d rather eat a convict than a dolphin.
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
