Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn’t know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn’t know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Hungover girl #1: I really feel like an ass.
Hungover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hungover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on someone.
Hungover girl #2, nodding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.
Wilmington, North Carolina
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
Guy: It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Nick
Catechism teacher: Where’s Eric today?
Eric’s friend: Eric’s at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric’s friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?
College
Massachusetts
Professor: Let’s liven things up with a documentary about Nietzsche!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Customer: Hi, I’d like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (…)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
Hobo #1, holding sneaker, to another: Put that shoe on!
Hobo #2: Man, I don’t want to sweat in the shoe. That’ll make my feet stink!
Hobo #1: Man, what the fuck you worried about? Your feet already stink. I can smell them from here. Those people can smell them from here. Now put on your goddamn shoes and tie that shit up tight. No one wants to smell what you got. Now I’m going to stand here and watch you tie those shoes for the good of everyone on this train.
(others on train applaud)
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Finally, a humanitarian homeless man
Teen girl on cell: Why would you open a bag if you knew there was going to be a head in it?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Bradlee
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist