Prob­a­bly All Those Vac­ci­na­tions

Guy: They might be autis­tic, but that does­n’t mean they don’t want to have gay sex with chil­dren.

New Britain, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Grace

Dads Of­ten Re­gret Not Eat­ing Their Young

Lit­tle boy look­ing at go­ril­las: You can tell that one’s the dad, be­cause he looks an­gry.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/318435466/that-method-is-84-accurate.html

Over­heard by: rsp

Be­ing a Viking Means Hav­ing to Pick Your Bat­tles

Beard­ed col­lege guy: Yeah, I would have had a much bet­ter chance if my last name was, like, “Visig­oth,” but I could­n’t, like, lie to her about it at that point, you know?

Madi­son, Wis­con­sin

Over­heard by: Eliz­a­beth

Just Be­cause Of the Short-Shorts and Roller­skates?

Cu­ri­ous brunette: Hey, is that cast­ing agent friend of yours gay?
Ex­as­per­at­ed brunette: No! That’s the guy I sleep with some­times. Why does every­one keep ask­ing me that?

Rosepep­per Can­ti­na
Nashville, Ten­nessee

Over­heard by: Amy Rose

How’d You Know?!

Stu­dent: I was won­der­ing what my grade is.
In­struc­tor (af­ter con­sult­ing grade book): You have 312 points out of 500.
Stu­dent: So that’s like, what, a “b?“
In­struc­tor: Are you fail­ing math too?

MC­CKC
In­de­pen­dence, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Not fail­ing math

Do You Need More Ev­i­dence That Mc­Don­ald’s Is Hell?

Drunk guy to group of teenagers at Mc­Don­ald’s: De­mon? De­mon? De­mon? De­mon…

Flo­ri­anópo­lis
Brazil

Over­heard by: Mar­lon

Thank Good­ness I Got the Rollover Slut Plan

Col­lege girl on cell: So, it’s all good? Cause I’m just re-us­ing the same guys over and over! My num­ber does­n’t go up!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/396687245/only-one-of-us-is-fooled.html

Over­heard by: just eat­ing my piz­za

But Take This Cream, to Be on the Safe Side

Girl: Hey, Lamar!
Guy: Oh, hey!
Girl: How you been? You been sick?
Guy: Nah… healthy.
Girl: Oh… see ya!

Bowl­ing Green State Uni­ver­si­ty
Bowl­ing Green, Ohio

Over­heard by: Alex

Toast­ing with Re­al­ly Large Steins of Beer?

Les­bian to girl­friend: … That was back when I was dat­ing this phar­ma­cist and my sis­ter-in-law de­cid­ed to start this ru­mor that both of us were in­to this thing… [makes sub­tle fist­ing mo­tion].

El­e­va­tor, Pen­rose Hos­pi­tal
Col­orado Springs, Col­orado

Black on Black Crime’s Hid­den Nu­ances

Fat black woman on cell: Black women are bet­ter than white women, be­cause you can beat the shit out of them and the bruis­es won’t be vis­i­ble!

BART train
Berke­ley, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Gi­la­tron