Drunk girl: You know, me and Jared are a lot alike. We both kind of throw ourselves out there with the same kind of desperation, only mine… is a more quiet desperation.
University of Idaho
Idaho
Overheard by: Funnygirl
Archive for August, 2020
Her “Extra Help Sessions” Are Well-Attended
LSAT instructor: So, these female sage grouse do a visual inspection to make sure the males don’t have an infection before mating. If I had the same attention to detail, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten chlamydia three times.
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Not So Hot For Teacher
Weren’t We Fencing?
30-something male drunk: You’re not my mother!
20-something female drunk: I’m not your mother. I’m just telling you that it’s not okay to grunt and lunge at people.
Pacifica, California
Overheard by: Slightly
Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!
Queer: Wouldn’t it be great if penises tasted like Nutella?
Fag hag: Unfortunately, oral sex doesn’t give you an evolutionary advantage, so we’ll probably never evolve that way.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: premed
Or Anthrax
Mom: No! Don’t walk on that! (kid continues to walk on grass) I hope you step in dog shit.
Capitol Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: christa
How China Got Ahead of Us
Man: I never let anyone I owe money to walk behind me.
Hancock Street, Beacon Hill
Boston, Massachusetts
Guess Which One’s the “Naughty Librarian”
Library worker #1: Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: … What?
Library worker #1: The envelope. Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: You could tape it, I guess…
Library worker #1: Great, because after last night, I am totally out of saliva.
Main Library, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves’ Feelings
Girl: Oh, as far as I’m concerned, they’re just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
Now Sack Up and Stop That Screaming!
CPR class instructor: So when they sent the babies to us, they forgot to include the faces…
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Zach
When College Early Admission Goes Too Far
Psychology professor, discussing babies: If this thing didn’t smile, it would be in the trash.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
