Archive for December, 2020

So It’s Like…a Gay Bar?

Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand…
Friend: Why can’t you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It’s like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That’s how it feels like.

Bayonne, New Jersey

…And I’m Usually Into 20-Something Honduran Men…

Law student: So, listen. He went to get a manicure the other day and I was like, you know, “how was it?” He was like, “oh, it was good and all, but she was rubbing my arm and I kinda started getting turned on.” And I was like, “what?” He said “yeah, and it was kinda weird because she was this 50-year-old Asian woman.”

Mississippi College School of Law

Touche, Little Man.

30-something mom, examining mark on son’s face: What happened to your face?
Four-year-old son: What happened to your face?!

Chicago, Illinois

It’s a Twofer!

Child running up escalator: I’m winning again!
Mom, huffing and puffing on other escalator: Yeah, well, I’m having a stroke, so…

Cleveland Park Metro station
Washington, DC