Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bethany
Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category
Pop Quiz: Which Of These Things Are True About Sarah Palin?
Hobo: You ever wanted to punch an asshole in the face? Now’s your chance, one dollar! I deserve it! I club baby seals, I vote Republican, I masturbate way too much! Quit laughin’ and start punchin!
Church & Duboce
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: C
Next: a Game Of “Just the Tip”
Not-very-smooth guy to attractive woman at bar: I just want to see it! I promise I won’t touch your vagina.
Tallahassee, Florida
I Don’t Think I Wanna Play Dungeons and Dragons with You Anymore
Serious biker: Virgins are great! You can use them as currency.
Blowfish Sushi
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: tangotravellers
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that’s not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Wait’ll We Hit Corporate America
Jock #1: I felt like such a whore today.
Jock #2: I can imagine.
Montevallo, Alabama
It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith
Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny’s fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don’t ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Kids Are Easily Fooled by Short Haircuts and Baritone Voices
Mother holding small child as she sees a girlfriend: Sammi* look! It’s Debbie! Say hi to Debbie!
Small child: Hi, ugly man!
Target
Traverse City, Michigan
Is My Little Brother Getting Sober?
Frat boy to another: Dude, why do we always act like such assholes?
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Mr. Duchovny’s Voicemail Fills Up Fast
Teenage girl on cell: David, I fucked you last night. The least you could do is give me a ride to Taco Bell.
St. Louis, Missouri
