Customer: Do you have any tea that’s like coffee only it isn’t caffeinated like coffee… But it tastes like coffee?
Barista: Uh, you mean decaf coffee?
Customer: Yes! That’s exactly what I want. I’ll have a decaf coffee.
Red Brick Coffee Pub
Guelph
Ontario, Canadia
Customer: I’d like some tea… Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um… Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That’s the one I’ll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep-fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn’t.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
Male customer: Since you’re new, I will order slowly. (proceeds to do so)
Cute female barista, after writing down: Okay, that wasn’t so hard!
Male customer: Oh, I’ll give you something hard… Oh, wait, did that come out wrong?
Roswell, Georgia
Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can’t really sew or anything.
Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Barista #3
Barista: Those aren’t dates, those are lesbians!
Dixon, California
Overheard by: Michelle
Barista: I totally hate what rehab’s done to coffee houses.
http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/and_liquor_stores.html
Overheard by:
Five-year-old boy to barista: I’m getting my pee-pee cut off tomorrow so I get a treat today!
Barista: Umm…
Mother to child: You are being circumcised, not mutilated! (to barista) It’s just a medical thing, he doesn’t really get it.
Starbucks
Carmel, Indiana
Bimbette: … You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn’t sound like a job I’d want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.
Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I’ll have the Cobb salad with no croutons, no bacon, no egg, no cheese, and no avocado, with the chicken on a separate plate.
Sheepish waitress: That just leaves lettuce, tomato, and olives. You sure that’s all you want, ma’am?
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I’m sure.
Sheepish waitress: It’d be cheaper to get a side salad and just add chicken.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: No, I want a Cobb salad.
Sheepish waitress: It would be the same thing without all the toppings.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I. Want. A. Cobb. Salad!
Sheepish waitress: Yes, ma’am. What kind of dressing would you like?
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: No dressing, please.
Sheepish waitress: Yes, ma’am.
TGI Friday’s
Virginia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
