Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived at a gate. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before you disembark: iPods, cell phones, BlackBerrys, small pets, sweaters, sunglasses, and since we just came from Las Vegas, wedding rings. Make sure you get those back on folks.
Oakland Airport, California
Overheard by: kat
Metro guy to friend: And in the bathroom, under the sink, we have eye clippers…
Mall
San Diego, California
Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it’s a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j‑j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That’s only for guys. And in the Amazon!
Redding, California
Customer, browsing selection of charm bracelets: Do you have any Nazi charm bracelets? My daughter loves that stuff!
Craft vendor: Uh…no.
Craft Show
San Diego, California
Guy #1, gesturing: …in a martini glass.
Guy #2: That’s disgusting! Why did you do that?
Guy #1: Because he had a broken jaw.
Guy #2: I know, but why were you doing that? Community service?
Bus Stop
San Diego, California
Teen boy ordering sub, on cell: You like the way I say “delicious?”
Carson, California
Overheard by: I’ve heard it said worse
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass…
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don’t become my mother
NASA intern guy: So, is frosting evil, too? Just like something was evil yesterday… What was it? Something fluffy and ugly… Like flamingos, or something.
NASA Ames Research Center
Moffett Field, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Girl #1: Oh, it looks like you are registered for the jelly belly factory tour.
Girl #2: Is there anything else? I don’t really care how they grow jelly beans.
Davis, California
Overheard by: PhillyKid
Private school girl: Did I tell you what Jane* asked me?
Best friend: No.
Private school girl: She was all like, ‘Did you hook up with a homeless guy?’ and I was all like, ‘No, of course not! Never say that again!‘
Best friend, laughing hard: I can’t believe you did that!
Private school girl: What, hooked up with a homeless guy? It’s not a big deal.
Haight Street
San Francisco, California
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
