Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That’s fantastic!
City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: entertained witness
Taxi cab driver: She ain’t big, but she ain’t little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Overheard by: K
Jackie O. lookalike: If I can’t sneak cigarettes into my house, what makes you think I can get an ax?
Starfest Sci-fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?
Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Deathly Confused
Student: I have that song “Ring My Bell” in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It’s not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don’t know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song “In the Navy.“
Advisor #2: That’s not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Disco Dan
Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Chick in hoodie: I think they prefer to be called “little people.“
Preppy guy: When you’re hiring them for a sex act I’m pretty sure it’s okay to call them midgets.
Landmark Diner
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Man working in garden: Let me tell you, bacon is the gateway meat.
Community Garden
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: omh
Thug #1: Yo, nigga! I will beat you up! You hear me? I will demolish your ass!
Thug #2: Nah man, nah. I’ll beat your ass!
Thug #1: Fuck that, nigga, fuck that.
(pause)
Thug #1: Yo, nigga, what was our physics homework for last night?
Thug #2: Section 4. It’s on that Archimedes’ principle shit.
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Teacher: You can use stethoscopes to listen to water in trees. You should listen to thin trees and trees with less bark.
Student: Should it be hardwood or softwood?
Teacher: Softwood. You can’t beat softwood.
Classroom
Alexandria, Virginia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
