Young Asian cop easing old Asian man out of police car: My first day on the beat and already I’m finding out about and busting illegal Mahjong parlors! I didn’t know they existed!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McF
Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
My Autobiography Features Some Great Tips.
Chick to cop interrupting honor students’ discussion: Oh, um, we were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Cop, laughing: Oh, you would not believe how many times I’ve heard that…
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
What Are You Doing in Albuquerque, Then?
Security officer, pulling out fingernail clippers from carry-on: Sir, what are your intentions with these?
Man in line, deadpan: To take over the world.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Zombie
As Evidenced by the Last Election
Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we’re sheep, that’s why.
Smithsonian Station, DC Metro
Washington, DC
A Few Black Eyes, and They’re All, “Wah Wah Wah!”
Female customs and border patrol officer: So I wasn’t surprised when he left his wife for his girlfriend, but I was surprised by the domestic battery charge. But… you know how women can be.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/you-know-how-women-can-be.html
Overheard by: Jan
I Even Got Extra Time on My SATs for It.
Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!
Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah
Dude, We Sell That Here
Cop: Have you ever seen a burn victim autopsy?
Security guard chick: No.
Cop: Well, they cut into the guy, and it smelled like cooked meat. It actually made me hungry.
Wal-Mart
Richmond, Texas
Overheard by: Occam’s Lady Schick
It’s Time to Play How Long ‘Til His Head Explodes!
French metrosexual, holding up iPhone: It’s from Madame Butterfly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the American movie of it. With that one homosexual actor. Robbie… Robin…
British dinner guest: Robbie Williams?
American dinner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he’s not gay…
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British dinner guest: That was Mrs Doubtfire.
American dinner guest: It’s called Papillon in the US.
French metrosexual: What?
France
Gee Thanks, Captain Buzzkill
Part-time firefighter: So the next time you feel chest pains, it may not be a good idea to tell 911 that you took meth earlier. And the next time you’re in a car crash, keep your pants on.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: he has the most interesting stories…
