Euphemisms

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Girl: Oh, hold on, I have to ejaculate my disk.

Montreal
Quebec
Canadia

Fat guy: Sorry I’m late. Mr. Sphincter isn’t being very co-operative today.

Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand

Girl on cell phone: So I got a little finger action this week, but I said ‘No’ so it’s okay.

Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Justin

Physical education teacher, demonstrating the overhead smash in badminton: So I'm gonna find myself in a bad position and Sean is just gonna unload on me.

Monson, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

Woman to man carrying giant innertube: You have to return that to the tube hut. Ha! You have a tube hut in your pants!
Man: I don’t even know what that means.

Swimming Pool
Gardner, Kansas

Female student #1: You sure you want me to feed you this banana?
Female student #2: Get on with it, will you?
Female student #1: This thing's pretty big. I wouldn't want to choke you.
Female student #2: Don't worry about it. I've had much bigger.
Youngish professor: (raises eyebrows)
Female student #2: You think I'm kidding? I've had some pretty big ones. Think you can give me a bigger one?
Youngish professor (blushing): Um, possibly.
Female student #2: Well, I'd like to see that.
Female student #3: Um, are we still talking about bananas here?

Classroom
UCSC, California

Little boy: Look! An end-of-the world watch!

Smith's Marketplace
Salt Lake City, Utah

Bathroom-bound tech woman: Are you following me? Not that many people follow me at my age.
Tech guy: No. I’m more of the ‘call-is-coming-from-inside-the-house’ kind of guy.

http://overheardinphilly.blogspot.com/

Overheard by: 2catchapredator

Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?

Huddersfield
England

Overheard by: your how old and you don’t know what?