They’ve Got Frequent-Flyer Miles Up the Ass

Loud teenage girl: Oh my god, condoms are flying everywhere!

Ridgewood, New Jersey

Overheard by: i don’t see any condoms

Posted on July 23, 2023
Condoms, Fears, Girls, New Jersey, Teens, Words

Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns

Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!

Philippines

Posted on June 26, 2023
Asia, Fears, Kids, Moms, Parenting

…Any Questions?

English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.

Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne

Posted on May 15, 2023
Colleges & Universities, Default, Fears, Race, Teachers, Threats, Virginia, Weirdness

The Website?

Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!

Redding, California

Posted on March 10, 2023
Animals, California, Fears, Friends, Girls, Insects, Pee, Questions, Sensory experiences

Turns Out Hell Is Nicer Than Michigan

Bimbette on cell: I thought I’d died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.

University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Posted on January 26, 2023
Bimbettes, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Default, Fears, Michigan, On the phone, Religion

If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!

Girl #1: I’m all freaked out now! I bet you she’s pregnant! My sister’s pregnant!
Girl #2: I’m sure she’s not pregnant, you’re assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!

Adelaide
Australia

Overheard by: monkey

Posted on December 31, 2022
Australia, Body parts, Default, Fears, Feelings, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Maladies, Pregnancy, Stupidity

I’m Sorry I Ever Chose to Study The Necronomicon

Guy going to study for finals: I’m kinda scared to sit in a cubicle alone… by myself… Alone with my thoughts. Not good.

PCL Library
University of Texas at Austin

Posted on November 27, 2022
Colleges & Universities, Default, Fears, Guys, Texas, Weirdness

And I’d Lose the Best Piano Teacher I’ve Ever Had

Guy #1: I woke up in her bed without any pants.
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: I think we had sex.
Guy #2: You don’t know?
Guy #1: I cant exactly remember. Luckily neither can she. She’d kill me if she knew.

Train
Sydney, Australia

Posted on October 27, 2022
Australia, Fears, Friends, Guys, Sex, Train, Weirdness

And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn’t our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn’t our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you’ve got to stop saying that when we’re in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn’t!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?

Posted on October 24, 2022
Advice, Compare and contrast, Dads, Default, Family ties, Fears, Kids, Lies, Maryland

For the Last Time, It Was a Freak Welding Accident!

Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when “turning out the lights” means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!

George Mason University
Virginia

Overheard by: Your sister won

Posted on October 15, 2022
Colleges & Universities, Fears, Guys, Money, On the phone, Vagina, Virginia

Fears