Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it’s a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j‑j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That’s only for guys. And in the Amazon!
Redding, California
Woman #1: I fell down the stairs yesterday.
Woman #2: Oh my god! Me, too! What happened?
Woman #1: I don’t know. I just fell.
Woman #2: I guess I’m a little better than you — a possum was chasing me.
Target
Virginia
Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It’s my best idea yet!
Canada’s Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
15-year-old thug, to thug friends: Hmm… P.S. I Love You. That was actually a pretty good movie.
Promenade de Cathedral
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Reb
Chick: If you could be friends with any three people, who would they be?
Dude: Hitler, Jesus, and Bill Cosby.
High school
Englewood, Colorado
Girl: It’s like, you’re just doing whatever, and suddenly you’re in the middle of an orgy, you know?
Friend: Yeah, I totally know.
Memorial University, St. John’s
Newfoundland, Canadia
Overheard by: Clearly doing
Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bethany
Private school girl: Did I tell you what Jane* asked me?
Best friend: No.
Private school girl: She was all like, ‘Did you hook up with a homeless guy?’ and I was all like, ‘No, of course not! Never say that again!‘
Best friend, laughing hard: I can’t believe you did that!
Private school girl: What, hooked up with a homeless guy? It’s not a big deal.
Haight Street
San Francisco, California
20-something hipster to friend: So…I’m officially out of corpses.
Friend: Dude!
Portland, Maine
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
