Cool

Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I’m having such a good time I look Chinese.

Saint Joseph’s University
Philadelphia, PA

I May Have Fugeed Myself

Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!

Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Eliza

But I Don’t See Either on the Menu

Serious Asian dude: I don’t like angry soul food bitches. I like happy soul food bitches.

Maryland

Overheard by: Neither nor

Fine, but Could You Take Your Penis Out of That Bible?

Guy to girlfriend: It doesn’t matter what we do! It’s pervert weekend!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: melissa

Though I’m Still Working on Context

Girl walking with two guys: I’m going to teabag you! …I’m so glad I know what that means now!

WSU
Pullman, Washington

Overheard by: Rachel

Low-Maintenance People Live Longer, Anyway

Little old lady: I’m not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I’m good.

Women’s Gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: urzzz

It’s the Greatest Thing Since… You Know

Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that’s true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen… like bread.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: MoMo

That, and All the Hors D’Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium

Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Is the Moral of the Ant and Grasshopper Story

Lecturer: People who are happy, hopeful, and relaxed… are a pain in the ass.

Auckland
New Zealand

You Know How Iraq Veterans Are Just Happy to Be Home?

Girl: I was having a bad day, so he put me in some predicament bondage to try to cheer me up.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: fetishgirl