Hoochie to another: Just because you’re a slut doesn’t mean you have dibbs!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Michelle
Archive for the ‘Hoochies’ Category
Man, I Love Youth Group Retreats
Chick deciding between two skanky tops: Well, what’s the difference? I’m just going to get drunk and take it off anyway.
H&M, Briarwood Mall
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Melanie
Might As Well Embrace It — You’re Stuck with It
Hoochie on cell: Yep, I have herpes. Isn’t it awesome?!
University of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois
Shoes Last Longer, Unless We’re Talking Sting or Payless
Hoochie: I understand that you’re worried about me, but I have self-control.
Friend: Do you?
Hoochie: Buying a pair of shoes is different from fucking someone.
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Suck His Toes and You’ll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I’m tellin’ you, I don’t know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don’t want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil’ socks, you know… Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
…And Boy Are My Arms Tired!
Hootchie #1: Yeah, we just got back from a dildo party.
Hootchie #2: And we smell like two-dollar hookers!
Des Moines, Iowa
I’m Not Irresistible; That Makes It His Fault
Chick #1: Oh my god, I was so drunk last night! Do you think Lisa will get mad that I made out with her boyfriend?
Chick #2: Yes.
Chick #1: Well, it wasn’t really my fault.
Chick #2: Yes, it was. You basically went up to him, batted your eyelashes, and started making out.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Laura
Scientists Are Investigating
Girl to friend: It’s really weird — every time I hang out with a guy, we end up having sex!
Angelo State University
San Angelo, Texas
Overheard by: adriana
Which I Do to Make Getting Pregnant Fun
Girl: That’s totally the last time I’m getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Which Has Changed Nothing Except the Smell
Hoochie: That’s why I made my New Year’s resolution not to vomit so much when I’m drunk. Now I do it when I’m sober.
University of Central Florida
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Petty
