Going Down or Coming Up?

Lady holding bottle of Chardonnay: Does this taste like a white wine?

New Albany, Indiana

Overheard by: liquor store counter jockey

There’s a Lot of Smoke around Me, but No Fire

Thug filling out employment application: Hey, when you say, ‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony?’ do you mean found guilty, or just sort of accused and arrested?

Wendy’s
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: maybe he shouldn’t use the plastic silverware…

The Legacy of Enron

Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I’ll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34^th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Blood Feud– Gotcha

Birthday girl: Not to be mean, but I’m kind of glad Jeff* can’t come to my birthday party. Now I can invite Kelly*.
Friend: Why couldn’t you before? Not enough seats?
Birthday girl (long pause): No. Because Jeff’s brother got her sister pregnant.
Friend: Oh, yeah.

University of Notre Dame
Notre Dame, Indiana

Overheard by: iz

In the Glass Box That Says “Break in Case Of Emergency”

Guy, walking into Planned Parenthood: Hey, I just locked my keys in my car that’s just around the corner. Can I borrow a coat hanger?
Girl working front desk: Uh, do you know where you are?
Guy: No.
Girl working front desk: Well, we keep ’em in the back!

Bloomington, Indiana

Overheard by: Morgan Roddy

Allison Took Silver at the Entitlement Olympics

Flight attendant to woman putting luggage in the only overhead compartment left: Ma’am, if you put your luggage there, but go way up front, when the plane lands, you’ll have to wait to deplane until everyone else has because you can’t go back here if you’re up front when people are trying to exit the plane.
Woman: But this is my only option!
Flight attendant: You could sit in the back.
Woman: No!

Allegiant Airline
Ft. Wayne, Indiana

Overheard by: ISPgypsy

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

Seven-year-old: You can’t be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I’ll be a fucking barber!

Indianapolis, Indiana

Why Assless Chaps Exist

Physics professor, talking about static electricity: So why does it work when I’m sliding in a car with carpet seats wearing my wool sweater and not work when I’m sliding in a car with leather seats in my leather outfit?
Students: (shocked silence)
Professor: I mean…I don’t…ummmm, moving on…

University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana

Buy Her Pinocchio and Have Him Lie to Her

Geek to friend: You need to get her something she can use in bed… Like a puppet.

Gen Con Indy
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Matt

The Clerks There Have Turned It into an Annual Sporting Event

Haughty woman: Oh yeah, he’s getting a divorce.
Friend: Why?
Haughty woman: She stalks him ever since he left. She followed him into Walgreens and tried to beat him down with a toilet scrubber!