In That He Told God Everything

Kid #1: … And so, there is an alpha male among rats–
Kid #2, interrupting: –Jesus Christ was a rat!

City High School
Iowa

Posted on December 24, 2019
Iowa, Jesus, Kids

And See Them from the Inside

Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don’t, I’ll slit your throat!

Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Posted on November 21, 2019
Drunks, Iowa, Rack, Threats

I Fantasized He Was Stuart Little

Chick: He was so short and cute — it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson’s Michael J. Fox!

Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa

Posted on October 28, 2019
Chicks, Gossip, Iowa

Driven People Get Stuck with People Who Can’t Hurry

Nine-year-old to his little sister: I have to get my grandma her milk. I have to go all the way out to the West Side, and I’m low on gas. You need to hurry your ass up!

University and East 9th
Des Moines, Iowa

Posted on September 23, 2019
Gripes, Iowa, Kids

But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Posted on May 29, 2019
Bus, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Couples, Crimes, Euphemisms, Fat people, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hoochies, Iowa, Leisure, Relationships

I Have Them Washed and Brought to My Tent

Girl, joking: I love when girls are walking around drunk with eye makeup smeared around their faces.
Guy: Yeah, those are the ones I try to take home.
Girl: What?
Guy: Do you really think I go around looking for girls with good personalities?

Iowa City, Iowa

Posted on December 29, 2018
Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, Fashion, Girls, Guys, Iowa, Questions, Sexuality

Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa

College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait… No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy’s the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they’re both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam’s the one with the small dick.

Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa

Posted on October 13, 2017
Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Chicks, Compare and contrast, Default, Friends, Gossip, Iowa, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Penis, Sexuality, Students

And Nobody in the State Is That Color

Girl to waitress: So the baby's a cute little bugger. They don't know who he looks like yet.

Olive Garden
Davenport, Iowa

Overheard by:

Posted on May 6, 2017
Compare and contrast, Customers, Default, Girls, Iowa, Kids

I’m Considering Reaching Out to Her With a Fifty Caliber Rifle

Man #1: How’s your wife?
Man #2: How should I know?
Man #1: What do you mean: “How should I know?”? She’s your wife! Don’t you talk to her?
Man #2: Not since she got the restraining order on me.

Huxley, Iowa

Overheard by: Hondo

Posted on July 26, 2015
Crimes, Default, Friends, Guys, Iowa, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

Wait, It’s Fall? How Long Was I Playing That Wii?

Boyfriend, looking around suspiciously: … It smells funny…
Girlfriend: It’s the outside!

Webster City, Iowa

Overheard by: Phoebe

Posted on July 16, 2015
Compare and contrast, Couples, Default, Girls, Guys, Iowa, Sensory experiences, Threats